Sex Ed in the Lunchroom?

Several weeks ago, my 8th grade son climbed into my car after school and began venting about a frustrating conversation he had during lunch that day. “Some of the girls in my grade are so messed up,” he said, with an air of disgust in his voice. He explained that he had been sitting with his friends at lunch and two of the girls in the group broached the topic of sex. It’s been awhile since I was in 8th grade, but I’m pretty certain sex was not on the list of acceptable lunch-table topics. It was just understood that such topics as spin the bottle or rumors of so-and-so kissing so-and-so were saved for midnight ramblings at an all-girls’ sleepover. Never would we imagine discussing such matters, especially sex, in the presence of boys. Ah, but the times have changed. Today’s 8th graders are far more sophisticated. A new study recently reported that the average teenager spends more than 72 hours a week using electronic media (Internet, cell phones, television, music and video games). Before you start doing the math and wondering how they fit in school and a few potty breaks, the study reflects that some of their devices overlap as they multi-task their media intake. And somewhere along the way, their media-saturated minds begin to absorb the message that sex is nothing more than a recreational hobby.

My son explained that the conversation began when one “popular girl” posed the question, “So, what grade do you think you’ll be in when you have sex in high school?” And thus, the debate began as girls began to ponder whether or not they would lose their virginity in 9th, 10th, or 11th grade. Lovely, just lovely. Finally, my son said he could stand it no longer and piped up by suggesting the novel idea of waiting until marriage. And yes, you guessed it. He was laughed at, scorned, and shamed. “Hayden, no one waits until marriage! Evreeeeeone has sex in high school!” the girls responded. Hayden spoke up again and said, “Not my sister or brother. My brother’s a freshman in college and my sister’s a junior in high school and they’re waiting until they get married.” One girl chimed in, “Hayden, that’s impossible. Trust me, they’ve had sex.” At this point, Hayden had reached his boiling point and one of his friends sensing his frustration, spoke up in his defense and said, “Hayden’s sister is really good friends with my sister and I’m pretty sure Hayden’s right.” At that point, the girls speculated that perhaps, his siblings were unattractive and therefore, undesirable. The old “maybe something’s wrong with them so no one wants them” explanation. What in the world else could explain a normal, everyday 16 year-old girl and 18 year-old boy running loose with their virginity still in tact? Are they circus freaks, maybe?

And such is the world we live in. A world where Hollywood, Hip-Hop, and hibernating parents have left our kids thinking that sex is something you scratch off your to-do list by the 10th or 11th grade with nothing more than a yawn and a shrug. I’m not sure what was more heart breaking upon hearing my son's account of the lunchroom conversation that day: the warped attitudes among the 8th grade girls at his lunch table or the fact that my son had been subjected to the warped attitudes among the 8th grade girls at his lunch table. In the end, I concluded that at the very least, it helped him find his voice and stand up for his beliefs. I can only pray that he will remain strong in his convictions even when his hormones are raging out of control and casting a vote to “go for it.” High school is just around the corner and plenty of girls have marked their calendars. Wow, it’s tough to be a parent in today’s culture.