When I entered the blogosphere, I knew that I was opening myself up to negative comments that might come in from time to time. Honestly, I am pleasantly surprised that I have not received more than I have, which to date, has only been a handful. But alas, two comments landed in my inbox yesterday from a woman who was deeply offended by my Hoochie-mama post and my recent post on Lindsay Lohan. In her comment about my Lohan post, she ends with this: "P.S. I noticed you put NO negative responses on your blogs. Good job!!!" Trust me when I say that the rest of her comment matched this tone. It went beyond "negative" and bordered on "venomous."
Not that I need to defend myself in this matter, since I have every right to reject any comment I see fit to reject, but the irony here, is that I have approved all negative comments barring TWO. I rejected a comment that came in on my post, "Sex Ed in the lunchroom" that basically stated that "Christian parents who don't homeschool their children are out of the will of God." I rationalized that it was senseless to stir up the cauldren on something that is clearly not a biblical mandate in scripture and felt that it might misrepresent the home-schooling community at large. I also chose not to post the comment from this woman regarding the Lindsay Lohan post because she broke a cardinal rule and made a comment that could possibly be hurtful to one of my children. For the record, she does not know my children, so go figure. Among those I have approved are a handful that came in on the HPV vaccine post, one on the "5 Bible lessons every girl can learn from Britney, and the criticism I received yesterday on the Hoochie-mama post.
Anyway, it got me thinking about the critics we encounter in life and how God would have us to respond to them. Over the past decade I have served in ministry, I have had to develop a game plan when it comes to dealing with the critics, and trust me, were it not for this game plan, I probably would have quit the ministry long ago! Whether you're in the ministry or not, I think it can be helpful to us all.
A positive response to the critics:
1. Consider the source.
If the criticism comes from someone you know personally or even indirectly, consider the character of this person. Is this someone who typically garners the respect of others or are they known for being negative, grumpy, and in the habit of sounding off on a regular basis?
2. Consider the spirit in which it was said.
You've heard it said that "presentation is everything" and the same is true when doling out criticism. Was the criticism presented in a pleasant manner? Was it evident that the critic spent some time before the Lord before bringing the complaint? Did the critic extend the benefit of the doubt in the matter or did he/she go for the jugular? Did the critic attack the person or focus rather, on the action that offended them?
3. Consider what others are saying.
Have you heard from others that share similar concerns as the critic? For example, as an event-based ministry, Virtuous Reality receives comments/criticisms ranging from "the registration price is too high," "the sanctuary is too cold," "the event is too long," "the event is too short," and one of my all-time favorites, "the hem is out in your skirt." If we can find a general theme or consensus to the criticism presented, we take it very seriously and act upon it immediately. If it is a lone criticism in a sea of many positives, we chalk it up to "hey, there's always one sour grape in every bunch." I did however, get the hem repaired in my skirt. ☺
4. Take it before the throne.
Regardless of the presentation of the criticism or the character of the person submitting it, ask God to reveal any truth from the criticism you received. There have been times when God has revealed some shred of truth in the criticism even though the presentation was lacking. And then there are other times, where He reminded me about the sour grape principle. (See #3)
5. Pray for the critic.
Even if you determine that the criticism presented had no merit, pray for the person submitting it. There is always more to the story than meets the eye. In the future, when the negative words/accusations made by the critic are brought to mind, immediately respond by praying for the critic. Don't dwell on it. Forgive them and move on. It's hard to harbor bitterness toward someone you pray for all the time!
So, there you have it. After taking the steps above, should God reveal any truths to the criticism presented, own it, thank the person, and ask God to help you put the truths into practice. And that, my friends, is how I will be handling this latest criticism. I look forward to bringing it before His throne. And I mean that sincerely.
