Warning: Is your child on Facebook?

I am a huge fan of Facebook, IF, and that's a really big "IF," parents are coming alongside their children and guiding them to use the site responsibly. This also assumes their child has met the minimum age requirement (14 and in high school). Even so, I knew it was only a matter of time before the predators would begin flocking to Facebook. Predators used to steer clear of Facebook given that there were previously so many hoops to jump through in order to infiltrate a minor's school network (profiles are only visible to those within the same network). In order for a predator to even make contact with a minor, he (sorry, but I refuse to use the PC standard of gender neutrality when most predators are creepy guys or old men) would have to list a high school as his network and then have two fellow students from that particular high school confirm he is in fact, a student. To make contact with college students, he would have to have a registered .edu email account from the college. Why bother with all that when he can surf around on MySpace and find plenty of minors who have lied about their age and have their pages open to the public.

Ah, but all that has changed. Facebook now allows students (yes, even 14 year-olds!) to join their "city" network. What this means Mom and Dad, is that anyone (including creepy predators) in the city network can view your child's page, send messages to your child, and view your child's pictures. Yes, even the ones from the recent pool party or the cruise you took over the summer. Ick.

So, what's a parent to do? Here are my suggestions and how I have personally addressed this issue in my home with my own children (Note: They are high school aged; if your child is not yet in high school, they should not be on Facebook!):

1. Only allow your child to join their high school network or "none." If they join their high school network, make sure they edit their "privacy" settings under "profile" and choose the option where "only my friends" can view their profile. I would also suggest that they change everything (pictures, videos, status updates, etc...) to the same setting. In addition, I highly recommend having your child sign off on the social networking safety contract I included in my book, Logged On and Tuned Out. It is much more comprehensive in the coverage of social networking sites than this brief post.


2. If your child is under 16 or just starting out on Facebook, get their login information and password so you can have direct access their account and spot-check their privacy settings (and activity) from time-to-time to ensure they are using the sites responsibly. I just logged onto my son's account to ensure that his privacy settings were set to my liking. Everything was in order and I can breathe a sigh of relief that his page is very difficult for strangers to access.

3. Be aware that when your child (or you) sets the privacy setting to the above level, the following message is given by Facebook:

Based on your current privacy settings, only your friends can see your profile. Your profile may include your picture, interests, photo albums, groups, wall and other things, depending on the profile details you have selected. But because you restricted your privacy settings, most people cannot get to your profile to see those things. Facebook is most useful when you let some people see your profile, so you might want to consider changing these settings.

Sigh. These guys really don't get it, do they? Let's hope they make some changes real soon in an effort to protect our children from danger. Amazingly, when I surfed through my son's friend list, about half of the 14 year-olds on his friend list have joined their city network, thus making their profiles visible to every creep in the city! Is your child one of them?

PC World recently addressed the topic of predator dangers on Facebook. I was surprised that the story didn't caution parents against allowing their children to join their city networks. I am willing to bet that the decoy sites set up in the sting operation were open to the city network. In the end, we can wish that Facebook would be more responsible in protecting minors or that the media would spell it out for us when it comes to safety rules, but alas, the ultimate responsibility lies with parents.

War Eagle!

Guess were I went this past weekend? For those of you who have somehow managed to escape the indoctrination of all things related to Auburn football, "War Eagle" is to Auburn what "Hook-em" is to UT or "Gig 'em" is to A&M. In fact, I'm a newbie to the Auburn traditions (I'm a past UT grad) and when Ryan received his acceptance letter in the mail a couple of years ago, I yelled out, "Woo-hoo! Go 'Bama!" I was scolded royally by my son who informed me that I had just rooted for Auburn's arch rivalry, The University of Alabama. Hmmm....at least I got the state right.

Anyway, we had a fabulous time on our visit. Paige and I flew into Birmingham a day early for a college visit to Samford University, which was unbelievably gorgeous. We picked up Keith and Hayden at the B'ham airport on Friday and made our way to Auburn (2 hour drive). After hugging Ryan's neck at least a dozen times, we went shopping for Auburn attire for the big game on Saturday. And what a game it was...we got invited to sit in the PRESS BOX! Turns out the Athletic Director's wife has led my Your Girl Bible study and graciously extended the invitation to our family. What a treat for our family and a weekend we will never forget.

Paige and I head to Samford for a college visit!

Paige on the Samford campus

At our hotel in Auburn: A family reunited!

In the press box!

Do you think Paige is getting bored?

Sneak Peek at the next "Between" cover!

I am days shy of turning in the manuscript for the next Between "magabook" for tween girls, which is due to release in July, 2008. I just received the art for the proposed cover from my Publisher and had to share it with someone! Too cute!

Virtue Alert: Gossip Girl premieres tonight!

Just wanted to give you a heads up that if you have a teenage daugther (even tween), this show may be on their radar. This is the much-anticipated (among teen girls) TV show based on the best-selling Gossip Girl book series.

I actually read one of the books years ago while on a family vacation in Florida. I had received numerous emails from moms who tipped me off to the book series at the time. Hmmm...more on that later! I plan to watch the show tonight since I'm predicting it will be a hit among girls...even our Christian girls.

I asked my own daughter last night (senior in high school) if she knew anything about the show. She replied, "Uh, yeah! I think it comes out this week." Yikes.

One of the reasons my daughter is interested in the show is because she met one of the Gossip Girl cast members back in 2001 on the set of Spy Kids 2. My daughter was 11 at the time and a featured extra in the movie. The girl who plays "Jenny, the freshman" in the Gossip Girl series played the part of the President's daughter in Spy Kids 2. You might also remember her as Cindy Lou Who in The Grinch Who Stole Christmas. She was a very sweet girl (not a diva like some of the others). Paige and another girl even talked to her about Jesus. Cool, very cool.

Prayer requests: virtuousreality.com

Last month I asked if some of you wouldn't mind taking some time out of your day to lift up some of the sweet prayer requests from middle and high school girls that come in on the
virtuousreality.com prayer board. Will you be our prayer partner?

dear God,
I pray that i will love myself for how God made me. And not want to look like someone else. amen
Posted by sabrina | September 16, 2007 8:22 PM

I pray that GOD gives my family strength and love to get through these hardships and to someday live together and get along. I also thank him for protecting my family and friends.
Posted by Rachel | September 16, 2007 4:37 PM

hey i really need help my life is going down the wrong path and i'm hangn' out with the wrong people "dating" when i'm not supposed 2 be and i really need help!!!
Posted by Anonymous | September 13, 2007 8:01 PM

We need to pray for Vanessa Hudgens. I'm sure she's not having a fun time with this.
Posted by NA | September 12, 2007 4:39 PM

Hey, there is this guy I like, I want to tell him I like him, but i'm not sure if that would be a good idea. please pray for me. I'm praying my self... alot! Thanks! Blessings!
Posted by Brooke | September 12, 2007 12:04 AM

I pray that God helps me to make the right choices and decisions in my life, and to get through the hard moments. I also thank him for everything and because he has everything in control and knows what is the best for me. (^_^)
Posted by Zury | September 9, 2007 6:27 PM

Please pray that i can see my boyfriend really soon i haven't see him since june, he lives about 20 mins away from me and i really miss him alot. Thanks God bless!
Posted by kimmie | September 7, 2007 10:46 PM

Hey Yall,
Please pray for my firend she is sick .Pray that she gets better fast.
Posted by Ashlie | September 6, 2007 5:13 PM

hey, pray that this year i will work in with the purpose of God for life.
Posted by hannah | September 6, 2007 8:50 AM

hey i am kay.
and i pray for an awsome year in school.
and that there is no goosip or like a big fight(hate them). Also that i will meet new friends and more.
and i pray for my family and myself to be safe and careful.
Posted by kay kay | September 4, 2007 5:32 PM

dear god,
i pray this wonderful day you provided us. I pray that you keep my family safe.
Posted by kayla | September 4, 2007 5:24 PM

my friend's grandpa just died and his funeral was last night, please pray for their family. help them to know that God is there and he'll never let go. :( :)
thanks for your prayers :)
Posted by Anonymous | September 4, 2007 10:28 AM

pray for gary robinsns family he passed away this morning at 11:00 and pray for me i am so sick and hurting
Posted by sarah | September 2, 2007 9:53 PM

I want to make a prayer request for my mom. Pray for God to help her make the right choice for my whole family.
Posted by Amy | September 2, 2007 5:34 PM

School's almost starting! I'm sorta scared cuz I'm going to a new school. I used to go to a Christian school, but my mom decided to put me in public school. I'm sorta excited too. Please pray for me so I don't learn bad things and stuff. Thanks!
Posted by Elirissa | August 31, 2007 7:51 PM

Lately my life has come crashing down around me. My family, friends, and church has all chosen to ignore me and my mom. I've had a hard time with this girl in my youth group and now I think I'm going to have to leave the church. The boy I though I loved has broken my heart countless times and doesn't even seem to care. Please pray that I get some hope in my life and that I can stay faithful in my walk to Purity.
Posted by LaurelLi | August 28, 2007 2:10 PM

Please pray for my friend to come to know Jesus. I pray for him daily. I want to see him again in heaven. He is really nice. I am glad we are friends. We have been friends a year now.
Posted by Kim | August 27, 2007 8:22 PM

Please pray for my daughter who is struggling to recover from an eating disorder. She spent the summer at Remuda Ranch in Arizona.
She is taking a really important academic test today which has added stress to her daily struggles.
Posted by mmmm | August 27, 2007 12:28 PM

my friend Cody isn't saved. And i've been praying for him for 2 workin on 3 years. (which is a really long time for me!) Please pray he'll get saved. Thanks!!
Posted by Gwen | August 26, 2007 6:53 PM

A couple of years ago my cousin was in a car accident. His head hit the steering wheel and died of brain damage 2 days later. Please pary for him.
Posted by melanie | August 25, 2007 8:28 PM

well...
about a week ago my friends dad died. and his family is really struggling!
they have stopped coming to church and they are not answering the phones that much any more. i keep trying to get them to come back to church. i hope they do because we are really close to that family and i feel their pain.
please pray!!!!!!!
GOD BLESS YOU!!!!
Posted by hannah | August 24, 2007 7:15 PM

You and Your Girl event, Joplin Missouri!

This darling group from First Baptist Church, Owasso, OK, did my His Girl Bible study this past summer!


Everlife; I have enjoyed getting to know these young ladies


Everlife concert at the end of the event


Me pretending like this is my tour bus! (belongs to the LifeWay event team)



Jackie Kendall joins me in pretending...



While trying to write this post....is it a wonder I get anything done?

I am trying to do a better job of blogging about some of the events I have the privilege of doing throughout the year. This past Saturday, girls and moms from all over Missouri, Arkansas, Kansas, and even some from New Mexico gathered together for a "You and Your Girl" event in Joplin, Missouri. And let me just say that Joplin is not an easy place to get into! I flew into Kansas City and rented a car with fellow speaker/friend, Jackie Kendall and her buddy, De-De, and we drove 2 1/2 hours to get there. Ditto on the way back. And it was WORTH IT! Oh my, was it ever worth it.

Seriously, when I serve at these events, I have to pinch myself. I can hardly believe that God allows me any part of His kingdom purposes, yet alone, the awesome privilege of speaking to the girls and moms who attend. Know that apart from Him, I have nothing to give and nothing of worth to say. He teaches me so much at each and every event. He especially convicted my heart this past weekend that I need to spend more time "being still and knowing He is God." (Psalm 46:10)

I started off my morning by sitting "still" on my porch swing on my back deck. Just little ol' me and my cup of coffee. Of course, my Yorkies sat on guard at my feet, less they need to protect me from any of the squirrels scrambling about in the trees overhead. The birds were chirping, the breeze was blowing and I was overwhelmed with God's greatness. What a way to start the day. Sometimes it takes being still to be reminded of His awesome handiwork that often, we take for granted as we hurry through our day.

If you are near Dallas, TX, Knoxville, TN, or Austin, TX, I would sure love to meet you at one of my remaining events in 2007!

Lifehouse "Everything": A skit with a life-changing message

Someone sent me this link yesterday and it literally, left me speechless (a rare occurence!).

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33)

Blast from the past: September, '07

I dare you to listen to this and not feel happy inside. I remember listening to Casey Kasem's American Top 40 Year-end Countdown on New Year's Eve, 1975 and screaming at the top of my lungs with my best friend, Kara, when they announced this song as #1 song. Within a week, I was sporting Toni Tennille's awesome haircut.

5 teachable moments, compliments Vanessa Hudgens

As someone who addresses issues in today's culture that impact our tweens and teens, I cannot ignore the recent misdeeds of Vanessa Hudgens, the famed High School Musical starlet. I guess you could say this blog post was inspired yesterday while over-hearing a conversation among some of the guys in our youth group (including my own 14 year-old son) right before we entered the morning service at church. Here is a snippet of their conversation:

"Did you hear about that Vanessa girl who plays Gabriella on High School Musical?" "Yeah, about the nude pictures she sent Drake Bell when she was 16?" " Yeah! What a skank!"

I walked away feeling uncomfortable....and sad....and conflicted. I so desperately want to bury my head in the sand and believe this Hollywood dysfunction is not affecting our kids. You know, the "church kids"--the ones who should be able to discern "trash" from "treasure." Unfortunately, they can't escape the non-stop glamorization of bad behavior. And parents, you are fooling yourselves if you think your kids are exempt. They may not come home and tell you that Vanessa's nude pictures or Britney's trainwreck performance on MTV last night was the talk of the lunch table, but rest assured, they are at a minimum, hearing a buzz about it. And this goes for the grammar school tykes who may not recognize the name "Vanessa Hudgens," but a good number circled around their TV's and watched innocent "Gabriella" in High School Musical 2, reportedly the most-viewed cable telecast in history.

You know how the rumor-mill works. All it takes is one kiddo who hears the buzz about her nude pics from a big sister or big brother, and voila, your child has been exposed to "too much, too soon." And let me just say right now, that if I get one comment on this blog post defending Vanessa's nude pictures as being "private" or "beautiful" I will not post it. End of story. Sadly, her name was the most searched-for term on Google the day word of the pics released. How many of our kids may have seen this "pornography?" More importantly, what can our kids learn from Vanessa's mistake?

Here are 5 teachable moments we can have with our kids (beginning with my own!):

1. Nothing sent over the Internet or by cell phone is "private." Once you press "send," it becomes public even if you only sent it to one person and intended it for private purposes (Ahem, this includes married couples!). It may lay dorment for a time, but chances are, it can come back to haunt you.

2. The same double standard that existed in our day, is still ever-present today. We need to educate our girls to the sad reality that a girl's reputation can be ruined with one simple mistake like this. Even if we hear that the Vanessa was coerced or pressured to send the pics to this guy, he will not suffer the wrath or judgement that she has. In fact, he will probably get high-fives from his buddies, while the world labels this girl a "skank." Not fair, but true, all the same. (Note: I am not excusing our boys from labeling such girls as "skanks" either. This is not God-honoring.)

3. Just because everyone else is looking at her picture, doesn't mean we should. Our kids need to know that looking at the picture is wrong. It is porn and they are viewing pornography. Encourage your sons to resist the temptation and remind them that in spite of the culture's objectification of women, they have a choice in the matter. Remind them that "Christians" view each other through God's lens. What she did is a sin in God's eyes and looking at the picture is equally, a sin in God's eyes.

4. Vanessa will forever be remembered for this "mistake." Prior to news of the pictures, she was the "cute, innocent girl on High School Musical." Now, she is "that girl on High School Musical with the nude pictures." The pictures are here to stay and she will have to deal with the fact that her parents, grandparents, future children, etc... could someday stumble upon them. Not to mention, once you have sent out a nude picture via cell phone or the Internet (even though intended as "private"), you have just subjected yourself to the scrutiny of every creepy predator and pervert out there--you know, the ones who treat women as nothing more than objects for the male-viewing pleasure. The message boards on this topic are proof that our porn-addicted, sex-saturated culture has left many men with a warped view of women. Girls out there would be wise to clean up their MySpace and Facebook picture albums, keeping this in mind. While I doubt they have nude pictures, I'm talking about swimsuit and pj shots, or any picture for that matter, that is the slightest bit revealing. (For suggested rules to go over with your kids related to uploading pictures and videos, go to loggedonandtunedout.com)

5. Fame comes with a price. For the life of me, I cannot understand why anyone would want to be famous or any parent would wish that upon their child. Let's have no part of glamorizing this lifestyle and make sure we continue to point out to our children the obvious truth that money and success don't buy happiness.

Finally, let me end with a timely warning from God on the matter of putting anyone or anything on a pedestal above Him. This includes celebrities, sports figures, teachers, ministry leaders, anyone for that matter. Remember the Ten Commandments? Well, here's the first one:

“I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery. You shall have no other gods before me. You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below. You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, but showing love to a thousand [generations] of those who love me and keep my commandments." (Exodus 20:2-6)

It's tough to raise kids in today's culture, but God's Word is timely through the ages. Let's keep this girl in our prayers. She has a tough road ahead of her and I hope someone close to her will share the love and forgiveness of Christ with her. Sounds like she could use some "good news."

I may or may not post later on Britney's performance last night. It is currently the #1 most-viewed clip on YouTube, so again, let's not fool ourselves into thinking our kids aren't taking notice. Perhaps, I'll post another list of teachable moments. If you saw the performance, you know it would be mighty hard to limit it to just five. Mercy. I just want to wrap my arms around that girl and tell her about the new life she can have in Christ.

A Disney disaster...and a huge disappointment to our daughters

Last night, I watched High School Musical 2 with my daughter (again) and sang praises to Disney for setting a more wholesome example for our girls. I pointed out to my daughter how all the female characters wore one piece swimsuits in the pool scenes and overall, dressed modestly.

Oh my. That was before I woke up to the news this morning that the lead character, Vanessa Hudgens, has had some nudey pics surface on the Internet. The photos have been confirmed by her publicist, Jill Fritzo, who had this to say:

“This was a photo which was taken privately. It is a personal matter and it is unfortunate that this has become public.”

Mercy. I am angered that once again, mothers are in the position of having to sit their daughters down and talk about our hyper-sexed culture. And excuse me, "A personal matter?" I beg to differ. Not when little girls (and big girls!) circle up around their TV sets and admire the on-screen innocence depicted by Hudgen's chararcter, "Gabriella." Look, I'm not expecting the Disney stars to be perfect, but is it asking too much for them to keep their clothes on when posing for pictures? Disney may be issuing her paycheck, but let's not forget that they are counting on us to open our wallets when "High School Musical 3" hits the big screen next year.

According to MSNBC,"The Disney Channel (part of the Walt Disney Co.) denied a published report that Hudgens will be dropped from the upcoming feature film “High School Musical 3.” They further stated that "Disney had no further comment about the pictures."

Does Disney really think that anyone will be able to watch High School Musical and view "Gabriella" through the same innocent lens as before? Let's hope they make the right decision regarding "High School Musical 3" and send a strong message to their cast that "to whom much is given, much is required." I imagine there are other girls out there as equally talented as Vanessa Hudgens, who would jump at the chance to be a better role model to our daughters.

I for one, am sick and tired over the lack of positive role models for our girls and the never-ending accounts of girls gone wild. What next? Hannah Montana? Surely, her parents raised her to know better, but in the meantime, let this serve as a reminder to us all that we should have no other idols before Him---even if they come with the Disney stamp of approval.

Oh my! A modern-day book burning?

Yesterday, I logged onto my MySpace account to find a message in my inbox regarding my new book, "Logged On and Tuned Out." Suffice it to say, it was a less than stellar review. Here is what it said:

"hey ya my friends mother bout ur book logged on and tuned out!! he had to get it b4 she did and he burned it!! (i hope u burn in heaven cuz i cant say anything else thats tha meanest my mommy lets me get!!!!!) ill c u in heaven!!! toodles!!!"

I had to laugh when I saw the "toodles" at the end. It was such a nice touch. Call it a hunch, but I'm guessing she and her book-burning friend may be miffed over the chapter on social networking sites and my encouragement to parents to check their children's pages on a regular basis until they have proven they can be trusted to use the sites responsibly. Or maybe it was the warning I gave parents that many kids younger than the minimum age of 14 have lied about their age and are in fact, on MySpace. Based on this young lady's profile picture alone, I suspect that "Sami; age 14" from "B-town, Oklahoma," is probably closer to the age of 12. Further proof that this book is a much-needed wake-up call to parents who find themselves somewhat "tuned out" to their kids' logged-on lives!

So, Mom, if you bought my book and it has since disappeared without a trace, you might want to check your backyard for a mysterious ash heap. If you find one, I'm happy to send you a copy of the book. In fact, I'll even throw in an extra copy for Sami's mom!

The Perfect Lie (Photoshop Transformation)

Another opportunity to sit our sons and daughters down and use this clip as a teachable moment to expose the lies in media. Is it any wonder our girls today feel intense pressure to measure up to the culture's narrow definition of beauty? How can they even begin to compete? Oh wait, they can....if they have photoshop.