Generation-too-big-for-their-britches?

"You can do it!" "You can accomplish anything if you put your mind to it!" "You're the best!" Is there such a thing as going overboard in praising our kids? A new study claims that many teens are "over-confident" and the study's author is pointing the blame at parents and teachers. According to an article on FOXNews.com entitled, "Many Teens Overconfident, Have 'Wildly' Unrealistic Expectations," the "self-esteem" movement may have gone too far.

Jean Twenge, a co-author of the study further claims:

Because modern day parents hand out endless praise, kids readily believe they are somehow superior, she said.

Furthermore, research shows that high school teachers now give out "A" grades more easily than they in the 1970s, even though students do less homework today than they did 30 years ago.

The overconfidence is causing teens to set "wildly" unrealistic goals for themselves, Twenge said.

In 5 Conversations You Must Have With Your Daughter I sourced a similar study, coincidentally by the same author above, that found that college students are more narcissistic and self-centered than ever before. Here is an excerpt from Chapter 18 entitled, "Princess Today, Royal Pain Tomorrow?":

While it’s reasonable to engage in an occasional narcissistic indulgence, for some, the indulgence of self becomes a year-round lifestyle. Take, for example a recent study where five psychologists examined the responses of 16,475 college students nationwide who completed an evaluation called the Narcissistic Personality Inventory between 1982 and 2006 and asked for responses to such statements as "If I ruled the world, it would be a better place," "I think I am a special person" and "I can live my life any way I want to." By 2006, the researchers found that two-thirds of the students had above-average scores, 30 percent more than in 1982.

The study’s lead author, Professor Jean Twenge of San Diego State University said, "We need to stop endlessly repeating 'You're special' and having children repeat that back…kids are self-centered enough already." The researchers attribute the upsurge in narcissism to the self-esteem movement that took root in the 1980’s and further suggest that the effort to build self-confidence has gone too far. Twenge, the author of "Generation Me: Why Today's Young Americans Are More Confident, Assertive, Entitled — and More Miserable Than Ever Before," said narcissists tend to lack empathy, react aggressively to criticism and favor self-promotion over helping others. Not surprisingly, when asked to identify possible remedies to the growing problem, the researchers stated that "Permissiveness seems to be a component," and that possible antidotes might include more “authoritative parenting” and “less indulgence."

So, let me get this straight: If we don't want to raise selfish, narcissistic, all-about-me children who will likely grow up to become selfish, narcissistic, all-about-me adults, then we'd be wise to employ more "authoritative parenting" and "less indulgence." As I thought more about the author's conclusion that parents and teachers are to blame for this emerging crop of over-confident teens, I must say that I wholeheartedly agree. In fact, the article inspired me to come up with a Top 10 list of my own:

Top 10 ways to brat-proof your child:

1. "Authoritative parenting" assumes the grown-ups in the house are behaving like parents rather than friends. Kids need boundaries and rules and when you don't provide them, you set your child up for heartache on down the road. And let's not fool ourselves. No teen really wants to be best buds with mom or dad--they want freedom and if they can gain it by soothing a parent's low self-esteem with an elusive bff status, they are willing to play the game. Oh, and guess who'll be left with the tab in the end should fallout occur? That's right, bff mom and dad!
   
2. Don't rescue your child from the consequences of their poor choices. If they get caught drinking at the Homecoming dance, don't march up to the school to argue about the punishment that has been doled out. Resist the urge to throw them a lifeline--if you do it once, they'll expect you to do it again...and again...and again.
   
3. Don't try to fix things when your child doesn't make the team or argue with the coach when they sit on the bench. When they enter the working world, they will be better equipped to deal with real-life experiences such as as undeserving co-workers who get raises, bosses who are not qualified to lead, and other common injustices. Sometimes, life just isn't fair and our kids need to know that.
4. Don't provide for your child's every whim. When you shower your kids with the latest and greatest electronic toys, designer jeans, new cars, and the like, you give them an unrealistic picture of what life will be like when they set out on their own. Don't be surprised if they come a-knockin' on down the road when they're suffering withdrawals from the standard of living you provided.
   
5. Resist telling your child that he/she can be whatever they want if they put their minds to it. How do you explain that one to the multitude of grown adults who have discovered the hard way that they simply don't have what it takes to be President or make it to the Olympics? Help your child discover and cultivate their God-given talents, but don't set them up for disappointment by misleading them. If your child wants to be a popstar but can't sing a tune, do them a favor and tell them now before they find out this way (click here).
6. When your child is old enough to hold a job, require that they work during the summer months and earn money toward expenses. They will have a greater appreciation for their belongings and privileges if they play a part in earning money toward gas, car insurance, college textbooks, etc....
7. Do not make your child the center of your universe. Have your own outside interests and prioritize your relationship with your spouse. We don't do our children any favors when we drop everything and pour our entire energy into checking every homework assignment and shuttling them to countless after-school activities. Consider having a limit of one sport or outside activity per child, per season.
   
8. Teach your child common courtesies that should be displayed toward others. Require them to hold the door open for those passing through, surrender their seats to women and children, help the elderly and women who are struggling to load their bags in an airplane overhead bin, resist the urge to check a text message when talking with someone, etc... If you teach them to be on the lookout when it comes to helping others, it will deter them from thinking about themselves 24/7.
9. Teach your child to respect their elders and do not allow for rude and impolite behavior. Require them to answer with "Yes Ma'am, No Sir" and look someone in the eye when speaking to them. Teach them to initiate conversations by asking questions about the other person rather than expecting that the conversation will center around them.
10. Involve your child in mission causes. Volunteering at a soup kitchen, taking a mission trip, adopting a needy family at Christmas time, etc... will help them take the focus off themselves and teach them the joy of giving to others. At a minimum, make sure they do something on an annual basis that would help those who are less fortunate.
    

What about you? Share your words of wisdom!