Flashback Friday: Pre-liberation.

"A girl's best friend is a Betty Crocker mix!"

"For girls who know boys who like to eat: A good date idea..."

"A Chef Boy-Ar-Dee pizza convinces boys there's no place like home"

Vintage 1960, Seventeen Magazine: The ads bring to mind the old saying, "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach."

Fast forward to Seventeen Magazines of today and the message appears to be, "The way to a man's heart is by showing your stomach...and then some."

My, my, we've come along way, haven't we? I have a sudden urge to go bake something...

It's all Greek to me...

My darling daughter recently informed me that she is interested in going through sorority rush next fall. Given our busy summer, I thought it wise to check into the process to ensure we are ahead of the game. I mean come on, it's March and rush is in August, so no sweat, right? I was routed by an Auburn friend (and sorority alum) to a site that details the whole rush process and so I thought I'd pay the site a visit yesterday. Oh my. Lord have mercy on my non-Greek soul. Apparently, this is a big deal. REC. Pref. Bid. Ice Water Teas. Skit day. And best of all, an excuse to shop.

To top it off, I brought the subject up to a fellow mom whose daughter pledged a sorority last year and her comment was, "It was like a full time job getting all the REC letters together in time." And it was at that very moment that I broke into a cold sweat. I was planning to devote my summer to working on the manuscript for the Bible study version of "5 Conversations You Must Have With Your Daughter," but it looks like I will be working on "16 REC Letters You Must Find For Your Daughter."

But my real reason for being nervous about this whole process is, are you ready for this? (Violins begin strumming in the background) I didn't get into a sorority when I went through rush my freshman year. I know, I know...pass the tissues around and let's have ourselves a little cryfest. While I know there are sadder stories in the world, you couldn't have convinced me of that fact on that Sunday afternoon in August of 1982 when I got the dreaded Panhellinic phone call informing me not to come to Bid Day because....there would be NO BID.

I was later told that I sealed my non-Greek fate by preffing one sorority in the final round. Because I didn't know better. And I wasn't prepared. Because my mother didn't visit the Panhellinic website. Which of course, makes it my mother's fault. Because the mother is always to blame. Always. Never mind that there wasn't a Panhellenic website because Al Gore hadn't invented the Internet yet. And on that note, I must go. It's time to break the chains of the sins of my mother...

American Idol: My top three picks

Not being one to pass up a challenge, I have succumbed to some wholesome blogosphere peer pressure and decided to take part in BooMama's challenge to blog about AI. I am not much of a TV watcher, but American Idol won my heart in its first season with the debut of Kelly Clarkson. So allow me to cast my vote for the top three contestants. And if I'm proven right weeks from now, you can expect that I will be back to say "I told you so." The final three will be.....drumroll please.....David Cook, Brooke White, and Jason Castro. Here's why:

David Cook: I dare you to watch the clip above and not be moved. Seriously, I saw Michael Jackson perform this song live in concert back in 1984 when I was a college student and got goosebumps when he moondanced across the stage. I got the same goosebumps last night when David Cook changed up the arrangement and sang the song minus the squeaks and moondancing. C'mon, this guy has talent.

Brooke White: She. is. adorable. My 15 year-old son has declared his love for her and made it official last night by making her the new background on his computer. Goodbye to Carrie Underwood who held the honor up until now...

Jason Castro: My husband, being the old man he is, made a comment to the effect of "Why doesn't he cut his hair?" For some reason, the dreds don't bother me. Maybe it's because his attitude doesn't match the typecasting we generally associate with dreds. Oh, who am I fooling? He's in my top three because he loves Jesus. I know that because I googled it and found out that he's in a Christian fraternity at Texas A&M. And google is never wrong. Because he loves Jesus, I am willing to overlook the fact that he attends Texas A&M.

And the winner will be....David Cook.

The cast-off for tonight will be...Carly, Chikezie, or Ramiele. I'm going with Carly.

From Barbie to Bratz to...Miss Bimbo?

Remember back in the day when we worried about Barbie's unrealistic proportions sending the wrong message to our girls? Or what about those tarty Bratz dolls with their painted faces and closets full of pint-size hooker wear? And then there was Abercrombie's introduction of a line of thong underwear for girls (ages 7-14) with messages emblazoned on the front like "eye candy" and "wink, wink." Well, believe it or not, those concerns will hardly make the parent radar when it comes to a new website, MissBimbo.com, which is beckoning for your daughter's attention.

The "Miss Bimbo" Web site launched in the UK last month and is described as a "virtual fashion game for girls." The goal of the site is to become the "hottest, coolest, most famous bimbo in the whole world." I promise I am not making this up. When a girl signs up, they are given a naked virtual character to look after and pitted against other girls to earn "bimbo dollars" so they can dress her up in sexy outfits and take her clubbing. But wait, that's not all. Users are given missions, which may include plastic surgery to give their dolls bigger breasts or encouragement to take diet pills to keep their bimbo at the target weight range.

How do girls earn "bimbo dollars"? Here's what the site suggests:

"Bimbo dollars is 'the cabbage,' 'bread,' the 'mula' you'll need to buy nice things and to get by in bimbo world. To earn some bimbo cash you will have to (gasp) work or find a boyfriend to be your sugar daddy and hook you up with a phat expense account!"

While much of the criticism of the site seems to be focused on encouraging eating disorders with irresponsible advice to keep the bimbos "waif thin" and feed them "every now and then," I want to take a different angle and sound another alarm....an alarm, mind you that I have been sounding for quite some time now. Where are the parents of the nearly 200,000 players (most between the ages of 9-16) in the UK? Where are the parents of the 1.2 million players registered in France? I know I sound like a broken record, but monitoring software would alert parents to disturbing sites like MissBimbo.com. If your daughter has registered on the site and is visiting the "Bimbo clinic" for breast implants, you're going to be among the first to know about it! In addition, if your son is bypassing the virtual Miss Bimbo and surfing porn sites for the real thing, you're going to know! Ditto that for other dangerous behaviors such as drinking, drugs, cyber-bullying, uploading inappropriate pictures and videos, hooking-up, depression, and thoughts of suicide. Ignorance is not bliss!

I'm going to even go a step further and make a powerful statement: It will be impossible to be an engaged parent when your children hit the teen years without the aid of monitoring software. Unless of course, you ban them entirely from the computer and to that, I say, "Good luck." And as we like to say here in the South, Katy bar the door when they leave the nest.

Yes, I am outraged over the moral free-fall we are experiencing in today's culture. But I am even more outraged over the parents who stand on the sidelines and watch it happen. By default of doing nothing, they entrust their children to the likes of Nicolas Jacquart, the 23-year-old Web designer from Tooting, south London, who created MissBimbo.com. He was quoted in the Daily Mail (UK news source) as saying:

"It is not a bad influence for young children. They learn to take care of their bimbos. The missions and goals are morally sound and teach children about the real world."

He further claims it is "harmless fun" and goes on to defend his absurd position by saying, "If they eat too much chocolate in the game it is bad for their bimbos' bodies and their happiness levels compared to if they eat fruit and vegetables, which reinforces positive healthy eating messages." Let me help translate his statements for you so parents are crystal clear:

"Hey, moms and dads, I would be forever grateful if you would continue to live in your clueless cocoons and entrust your darling daughters over to me, so I can make a bundle of cash off your ignorance and negligence. As an extra-added bonus, I will provide your daughters with a training manual on how they can fulfill their ultimate purpose: Becoming little Miss Bimbos!"

Want to see what this morally bankrupt lad looks like? Here is a screenshot I took of his Facebook profile:


He could be the boy next door! While most parents will hear the media buzz about MissBimbo.com and wring their hands over the irresponsibility of a 23 year-old who clearly, lacks a moral compass, let's not stop there. One reader wisely submitted this comment on the CNN story:

Parents who won't watch what their own kids are doing want a 23 year old geek to do it for them. Right, that will work. Time for Mom and Dad to take some responsibility for the job they aren't doing.

Amen to that.

Repeat after me: Raising teens is a blast!

Even though I write and speak about raising teens in a challenging culture, I would never want to leave the impression that it is a season of life to be dreaded. My husband and I absolutely LOVE raising teens and were reminded of that fact this past week while College Boy was home for Spring Break and our home was non-stop Grand Central Station.

When it comes to parenting teens, no doubt, we've made plenty of mistakes along the way. However, on our list of things we've done right is making our home a welcome place for our kids and their friends to gather. I've mentioned before that when our oldest entered high school (nearly six years ago), we added a room onto the back of our home for the purpose of providing a safe teen hang-out. Of course, you don't have to take out a loan to draw teens to your home. You can convert a garage or simply allow them to take over an existing room in your house. It helps if you can throw in a ping-pong table, TV, and a fridge with a ready supply of cheap sodas. Oh, and a machine-washable slip-cover sofa is a must. And one of those fake security cameras wall-mounted in the corner that rotates back and forth with a blinking red light. Okay, I'm kidding on the last one...sort of. Honestly, if your house is a showcase, this isn't going to work for you.

Our original intent in making our home a designated safe hang-out was to alleviate the stress that was sure to come when our kids started driving and we weren't always able to pinpoint their whereabouts. While the reduced stress factor alone has been worth the price of sodas and the lost sleep from having to stay awake (and present) until the curfew time arrives, we under-estimated yet another benefit: We have come to love our kids' friends. LOVE THEM. Every smackin' one of 'em. Even when they track mud into my house or leave the Cheetos on the sofa within reach of the Yorkies. Even when a new one may blurt out a cuss word during a ping-pong match. Even when one of the gals may be wearing something I wouldn't allow my own daughter to wear. Even when their soda cans spill and they're too engrossed in Guitar Hero to wipe it up. Even when their presence hinders me from traipsing around in my jammie pants. Yes, even then.

When we built the gameroom and put out a welcome mat, we invested in so much more than a brick and mortar structure (one that happens to depreciate in value over time!). Yet, regardless of how many times I have to wash that slip-covered sofa (on my to-do list today) or pick up aluminum soda cans, it has been worth it. My husband and I have discovered that the key ingredient is not the gameroom, ping-pong table, big-screen TV, chocolate chip cookies, pizza, or a refrigerator full of sugary sodas. The key ingredient is none other than unconditional love. We count it a tremendous privilege to invest into the lives of our kids' friends and make sure they know the welcome mat is always out at the Courtney home. And as a return on our investment? That's when they stop by to visit and hug our necks. Who wants a showcase home when you can have that?

Flashback Friday: Easter.

Vintage 1991, Easter Sunday: My oldest son (19 now) may not speak to me after seeing this picture and honestly, I can't say I blame him. When I show it to him later, I plan to apologize profusely and hand him a $20 bill. When you're in college, that goes a lot further than an apology. What in the world was I thinking? Was I aiming for the Jr. Candy Striper look? Better yet, give this boy an ice cream cart and a fanny pack and put him to work on a boardwalk right next to the ferris wheel. In my defense, ensembles that include hats, suspenders, and the like, are perfectly acceptable fashion choices for the male persuasion prior to the age of three and after the age of eighty. Actually, I made that up, but just typing it soothed my mother's guilt a tad.

On a more serious note, seeing this picture did cause me to reflect (uncomfortably) on a few Good Fridays gone past where I possibly put more thought into what my kids would wear on Sunday than the significance of what Christ endured. This past week, I went into Target and was immediately drawn to the $1 bins of Easter novelty items at the front of the store. It's easy to lose focus...even as believers.

My prayer for each of us is that we would take the time to reflect on the true meaning of Easter--not just the risen Lord, but the crucified Lord, as well. And one last thing: I am humbled beyond words at how many visitors this blog receives. I know there are some of you who have stumbled in and perhaps, you're not currently a part of a Bible-believing church. Maybe you have been disillusioned with Christianity or hurt in the past by some who call themselves Christians. Or perhaps, you have simply lost your way. Dear friend, whatever the reason, can I be so bold as to ask you to find a church to attend this Easter Sunday with the thought of starting anew? I am truly sorry for any wounds you may have experienced in the past, especially if they came at the hands of those of us in the body of believers. We are imperfect and if you watch us long enough, we will surely let you down. But rest assured, my Jesus will never let you down...He makes all things new. And that's what Easter is all about: A reminder of the the new life we can have in Christ.

And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again. So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God. God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God. (2 Corinthians 5:15-21)

Perhaps, I should have had another child?

I promise you bloggie friends--this is my only similarity to Britney and Paris. Yes, we share a common love for the Yorkie pocket pup--this Spring's must-have arm candy. I realize that in posting this picture, I run the risk of losing your respect, but alas, it is what it is. Even my sons have figured out the benefit of taking Scout and Lexie on the boat. Every teen girl on Lake LBJ within a mile radius boats by to ooh and ahh. At the dogs. Not my boys.

I can however, assure you that my family would stage an intervention before it reaches this level:

Not happening. Besides, I have never been a fan of the cheetah print. Zebra maybe, but not cheetah. And only if it comes with a skirted cover-up.

Spread the word!

Check out this very cool link from LifeWay to a video postcard for the You and Your Girl event!

If you have a tween or teen daughter, I sure hope to see you at one of the four events scheduled in 2008! Click here for the 2008 schedule. I promise you it will be worth the plane fare, gas money, and hours spent in the car to get there. Will you get a group together and come? It's time to wage war against this decadent culture!

Is that a picture of your daughter playing beer pong on Facebook?

If you have a child in 7th-12th grade, it's time to twirl your big toe in the uncharted waters of Facebook and MySpace. I am a big proponent of Proverbs 22:6 parenting and if we are to "train our child in the way he/she should go," we must better understand the key role social networking sites play in the lives of tweens and teens...even if they are not on the sites yet. In fact, I would argue that preventive parenting is far more valuable than reactive parenting. More often than not, I see parents take an interest in the social networking sites only when something has gone wrong and they are forced to log on and address the matter. That is, if they can even figure out how to get on the site and access their child's profile! I can't even begin to count the number of "emergency inquiries" that have come into my office from parents who have caught wind of some scandal their child is involved in and need a step-by-step tutorial on how to access their child's profile. This served as a motivating factor when writing my book, "Logged On and Tuned Out: A non-techie's guide to parenting a tech-savvy generation". Allow me to share a few more sobering, yet motivating factors that led me to write the book:

* pictures of girls in various states of undress (including church girls)
* pictures of underaged minors from my children's high school consuming alcohol (including church kids)
* pictures of grown adults hosting parties where underage minors were drinking
* countless cyber-bullying accounts and a few that were so serious, the victims transferred to another school
* a missing 8th grade girl at my son's school who was located several days later; I actually assisted the Detective in determining the last time she logged onto her MySpace page
* a depressed and suicidal teen girl who contacted me for help through MySpace and I was able to contact her aunt from her list of contacts. Her aunt confirmed that she had already attempted to take her life once before and nearly succeeded.
* a middle school girl who posted nude pictures of herself on her MySpace page and then claimed "someone" sent out a link to the pictures to her entire friend list. Unfortunately, my son was on her friend list. Fortunately, he didn't click through and notified me of the link.

All of the above instances (and more) leave me scratching my head and asking, "Where in the world are the parents?" This explains why I have so little tolerance for parents who defend their failure to monitor their children's online activities with the lame argument that to do so would be an "invasion of their privacy." Excuse me? Do they not realize that employers, teachers, law enforcement officials, sexual predators, and other parents are all too happy to log on and "invade their child's privacy"? In addition to training up our children in the way they should go, sometimes it is just plain necessary to protect our children from themselves. Which is why I wholeheartedly endorse adding monitoring software on your home computers to make sure your children are using technology in a responsible manner. Even if you feel you can trust your child, are you certain that those in your child's immediate peer group can also be trusted? What about the parents of your child's friends?

Last of all, monitoring software will help you stay tuned in to your child's peer group and give you a heads up to a variety of high-risk behaviors in your child's school. In other words, if your child is hanging out with a "bad crowd" and headed for trouble, chances are you'll know it and can hopefully, head it off at the pass. For example, I was recently tipped off by several other parents to a student at my children's high school whose dad hosted a birthday party for his son and supplied the liquor. I could hardly believe that a parent would behave so irresponsibly, so I logged on to Facebook to find out if there was any substance to the rumor. Of course, as predicted, there were numerous pictures of the party, thanks to the fact that most every teen girl owns a digital camera and is all too happy to document the parties she attends with multitudes of photos. (Yet another benefit of the social networking sites!)

What I saw, left me feeling nauseous and disgusted to say the least. There were pictures of kids doing a "keg stand" in the garage (they were held upside down by their friends while holding the beer tap in their mouths). Man, their parents must be proud! In another picture, Dad was posing with junior and senior girls and looking oh-so-macho. Don't be flattered Pops, of course they want to have their picture taken with you--you supplied the beer keg! But perhaps the most incriminating photo I found is one where Dad's "girlfriend" is clearly wasted out of her mind and barely able to stand as she is supported by two high school boys on either side. What a class act. She is holding a beer in one hand while she stares at the camera in a drunken stupor. Smile, girlfriend, you're on Facebook. I took it upon myself to save the photos to my desktop for now---you just never know when you might need "evidence." I don't personally know this parent or the students in attendance at the party or I would have notified some parents. This is your classic case of a couple of grown adults who are more bent on earning the "cool" label than say, behaving like responsible, grown adults. And trust me when I say that there are slews of them in every community.

And for the record, when I make a post like this, I typically get 1-2 comments that accuse me of being mean-spirited and claim that I should be praying for those involved instead of ranting about them. Rest assured, that I have in fact prayed for the parties involved. There is nothing wrong with displaying a righteous anger over ungodly actions that can produce devastating consequences and for that, I make no apologies. Besides, if I were "mean-spirited," I would have uploaded "girlfriend's" picture as the image for this post. So let's just say that it's a good thing I prayed. :)

My purpose in sharing these real-life stories is to serve as a wake-up call to the shrinking population of caring and vigilant parents out there who want to stay informed and engaged in their children's lives but aren't quite sure where to start. After a post like this, I get many inquiries about the monitoring software I use, so here is a summary of the product I use:

"MySpace and Facebook are the most popular sites for teenagers to hang out on the Internet," said Spectorsoft President C. Douglas Fowler. "Unfortunately, the information they post about themselves is available to almost anyone else using the Internet, and that includes millions of adults of all ages, thousands of whom are sexual predators trying to prey on young people."

Spector Pro 2008 helps parents by recording everything a child does on Facebook and MySpace - as well as all PC and Internet activity in general - so parents will know exactly what their child is doing. If a child updates his or her profile, posts pictures, makes comments about other users, sends messages, invites someone to be a friend, accepts an invitation from a new friend, Spector Pro for 2008 will record the information and make it easy to find by simply clicking on the clearly marked Facebook or MySpace tab.

"Anything a child does on Facebook and MySpace will be recorded by
Spector Pro 2008, and parents will be able to review that activity," said Fowler.

Spector Pro has been reviewed by PC Magazine, the most trusted computer publication in the world, on two separate occasions. Each time,
Spector Pro was selected as the magazine's Editors' Choice. No other monitoring software has received this distinction.

It's challenging to raise tweens and teens in today's culture. I view monitoring software as the training wheels for teaching our kids to use the Internet responsibly. Just as we would never move them directly from a tricycle to a 10-speed bike and give them a shove down the street in a very busy part of town, it is ridiculous to give them free reign to do as the please on the net, especially when so much is at stake. Monitoring software has provided me with the means to better protect my children...not just from others, but sometimes, themselves.

In next week's Virtue Alert, I will address some general rules to have when it comes to spot checking your child's MySpace/Facebook profile as well as, their text/picture/video messages from their cell phones. If you have a question (or comment) related to MySpace/Facebook or cell phones, feel free to send it as a comment and I will do my best to address it!

Why MTV abstains from mentioning abstinence

I thought you might enjoy these laughable snippets from an article that ran on MTV.com regarding the CDC's new finding that one in four teen girls has an STD. Gee, do you think they have an agenda? See if you can't identify some faulty logic in their statements. (My comments are italicized)

"There should not be a freak-out factor over this," Wyand* said. "But it should be sobering and remind us that we have to utilize the prevention tools that we do have."

And what might those "prevention tools" be, Mr. Wyand? Would abstinence be a viable prevention tool worth mentioning to teens?

"It is always important to use protection when engaging in sexual intercourse, but condoms aren't a guarantee against HPV."

So, let me get this straight: Condoms are a "prevention tool" but they aren't a guarantee against HPV?

"The best defense against contracting and spreading any sexually transmitted disease is to get tested regularly and always use condoms."

Seriously, did you really just say that? Don't you have editors that check over your articles for false and misleading information? Since you clearly don't, let me help you out: The best defense against contracting and spreading any sexually transmitted disease" is to abstain from sex and until marriage and marry someone who is also disease free.

"This shows we really have to educate more people on the preventative tools we do have, such as testing and the [HPV] vaccine," Wyand reiterated. "We need to reach out to young women, their parents and health care providers."

Thanks but no thanks, Mr. Wyand. MTV is hardly qualified to "reach out to young women" when their entire livelihood is based on objectifying young women and perpetuating the hook-up-for-sex message for financial gain. No wonder you don't want to tell them about abstinence....You'd have to cancel every show on your network.


*Fred Wyand of the American Social Health Association

UPDATE: It has just come to my attention that Planned Parenthood has found this post and is defending the MTV position. (See comments) Hmmm....I wonder why? Could it be that their livelihood rests on STD testing, birth control, and abortion? I'm kind of surprised they took the time to weigh in and comment given the hot water they are currently in regarding this reported scandal in their Idaho office.

Attention budding writers!

Virtuousreality.com, my online magazine for middle and high school girls is hosting a writing contest for aspiring writers (of all ages!). From time to time, we feature articles from guest writers and in return offer a byline to the guest writer's homepage or blog. If you have a message for teen girls, this is a great way to expose your message to a subscriber base of over 6000 teen girls (on our mailing list alone) who receive email updates to the site every other week.

Here are the basics:

* Articles must be 450-700 words in length.
* Article topics must be relevant and center around a verse or passage of scripture.
* Articles should be turned in clean...no rough drafts, please.
* Articles must be submitted prior to midnight on March 25th.

We will announce three winners who will each receive a $10 gift card to Starbucks in addition to their article being highlighted on virtuousreality.com. Runners up will also have their articles highlighted in a future issue of virtuousreality.com. Feel free to submit a link to a current blog posting you have already written if it is relevant to our audience of teen girls. Submissions may be emailed to info@virtuousreality.com with "article contest" in the subject line. (Note: We reserve the right to edit articles for brevity or clarity.) Good luck!

Why I refuse to tube behind the boat: Reason #2

This is the clip taken after maniacal boat-driving madman threw Ryan, Hayden, and their two friends off the tube. Does this look fun? I mean, seriously. Even though it was 90 degrees and sunny outside, the water was a frigid, teeth-chattering 60 degrees.

Why I refuse to tube behind the boat: Reason #1

My normally clean-cut, risk-averse husband has a maniacal side to him that I discovered soon after we bought our boat. Which is of course why I will never allow him to pull me behind the boat on the tube. My job on the boat for the last two years has been to 1) document maniacal moments of above-mentioned-boat-driving madman, 2) obtain liability release waivers from kids' friends, and 3) pray.

The baby is fifteen...say it isn't so.

Fifteen. Seriously? Fifteen is so....almost sixteen. And sixteen is so...almost eighteen. And eighteen is so...almost time to pack up and move away for college. Ugh. Someone please stop the clock!

In honor of Hayden's 15th birthday, here are 15 bits of trivia about my boy:

1. Hayden was my biggest baby, tipping the scales at 9 lbs. 1/2 ounce.

2. I went natural, but don't be impressed--I didn't want to. I was begging for an Epidural but the Anesthesiologist didn't make it in time. :(

3. The first thing I recall the nurse saying when he was born was, "Would you look at the dimples on that boy?" When she handed him to me, it was love at first sight.

4. When Hayden was 5 weeks old, he had surgery for Pyloric Stenosis, a blockage in the stomach that causes projectile vomiting. In his toddler years, he was extremely proud of the scar on his belly and would lift up his shirt to show people his "peshall car" (special scar). I no longer allow him to do so.

5. Hayden was born happy and easy-going. He could sleep through any level of noise and woke up smiling every morning. He is still easy-going to this day and there was ever a child to end on, this is the one.

6. Hayden's first word was...ball. He slept with a ball in his crib at night. And today as a freshman in high school, he is among a handful of boys in his grade who played on the football team, the basketball team, and is now on the baseball team. Go figure.

7. Hayden has always loved bedtime. When he was a toddler, if it went minutes past his bedtime, he would come tell us to put him to bed or fall asleep on the spot. To this day, he goes to bed at the same time every night...9 pm on weekdays.

8. Hayden was in a commercial at the age of three for Alcoa Siding. He did several more commercials over the years and he came very close to a big break when he was among a handful of boys who received a "call back" for the role of Dennis Quaid's son in The Rookie. Their loss...and mine too, since it would have paid for college. :)

9. When Hayden was four, he had two imaginary snakes "yallow" and "blue" that he carried in his hand to Mother's Day Out for two weeks straight. He played and did crafts with one hand while holding his snakes in the other. During rest time, he would put the snakes in his cubby and retrieve them when it ended. His teacher claimed that he was so convincing, that the other kids began believing the snakes were real and would ask Hayden questions about them.

10. Hayden called his kindergarten teacher by her first name (Jill) rather than "Mrs. Adams" for the first week of school. When I told him that he needed to call her "Mrs. Adams," he very matter-of-factly stated, "Mom, Aunt Jill is a teacher and I call her "Jill," so why can't I call my teacher Jill?" If you think about it, he has a point...

11. Hayden also did a few print ads over the years, including one that ran in Sports Illustrated when he was five. He wanted to take the magazine to show and tell in kindergarten and his teacher (Mrs. Adams, aka: Jill) said she about fell out of her chair when he stood up, opened up the magazine to the page where his picture was and calmly told his classmates, "Yeah, it's true. I'm famous. And I made a thousand bucks." We've been working on humility ever since...

12. When Hayden was six, we were waiting one morning for a neighbor mom to pick him up and take him to Vacation Bible School. He told me "Mom, my teacher said that Pastor Donnie is going to talk about how to have Jesus in your heart today. I don't really want to wait and I want to have Him in my heart right now." I bowed with him and prayed right there on the spot and when I finished, Hayden had tears coming down his cheeks. So precious.

13. Hayden is apparently quite smart...or so we discovered when he was in 7th grade. He qualified to take the SAT test and when the results came a month or so later, I stuck them in a pile unopened not realizing what they were at the time. A few weeks later, he received an invite to a ceremony for students who received some of the highest math scores in the state. I still thought it was one of those things that pretty much every kid gets...until a few days later when a medal came in the mail from Duke University to recognize his math score on the test. His dad and I just looked at each other and said, "Wow, who knew?"

14. Hayden has an incredible knack for remembering lines he hears in TV shows and movies and can repeat them verbatim at length after hearing them only once. We're talking some serious Rainman skillz...

15. I paid a visit to Hayden's Facebook page to give you a snippet of his current interests. In the "About Me," it says this: "i am a boy...i'm a Christian and i'm proud of it. my life is awesome and i've never doubted that. i like sports--they're fantastic." Among his "interests" he lists: Sports, friends, family, girls, church, dinosaurs...MUSIC (hopefully, in no particular order--I mean, really! I'm still trying to cope with the fact that he said "ball" before he said "mom!"). While there, I also discovered that according to the "Compare People" application, Hayden's peers have voted him: hottest, cutest, and person with the best hair. Oh my. I want my baby back.

Flashback Friday: The 70's.

This clip needs no introduction. Abba. Olivia Newton John. Andy Gibb. Some of my all-favorites that make me proud to have journeyed through the sensational 70's. Check out those wings on Andy Gibb! And that outfit!

Have a great weekend!

A sad state of affairs (cont.)

As I mentioned in yesterday's post, I want to share a few talking points that I have used in discussing the fallout of sex outside of marriage with my own three teens. First, let me start by saying how deeply grieved I am over the CDC's recent findings. As someone who has been sounding the alarm for over a decade about the damaging influences from our hyper-sexualized culture, the statistics only confirmed what I have suspected all along: There will be a tremendous price to pay for those who buy the culture's lies...primarily for our young women.

Perhaps one of the most surprising findings of the study was how quickly young women contracted STDs after becoming sexually active. According to the study almost one in five young women will contract an STD within one year of losing their virginity. Which is exactly why we must ramp up the sex talk with our tweens and teens and make it an ongoing conversation through the years.

In the process of researching while writing my 5 Conversations book, I was dismayed to find that the rate of Christian kids having sex outside of marriage is about the same as the rate for all teens in general. And while I am all for virginity pledges, the reality is that most teens will eventually break their pledges (88% according to one survey). However, surveys have found that pledgers do tend to delay sex on average of about 18 months and every day/week/month we can gain is one more day/week/month we have to drill home God's truth.

But here is the hope: One category of teens stands out when it comes to success: The 16 percent of American teens who describe religion as "extremely important" in their lives. In other words, the radical believers who aren’t afraid to walk their talk and are more concerned with pleasing God than pleasing others. The study found that when these teens pledge, they mean it. The study further found that the ideal conditions are a “group of pledgers who form a self-conscious minority that perceives itself as special, even embattled.”

So, what can we glean from that finding? First of all, religion will not be "extremely important" in our teens' lives unless it is first "extremely important" in our own lives. Secondly, we must give our teens a reason to want to be among the "special" or "embattled" minority. Here is another excerpt from 5 Conversations on the exact conversation I had with my own daughter well before the latest CDC statistics released (and will continue to have with my daughter):

“You know honey, the truth is 95 percent of people will have sex outside of marriage. Most of your Christian friends will give into the temptation to have sex and experience less than God’s best. Only five percent will make it to their wedding day with their purity in tact and experience sex exactly as God intended. Only five percent will receive this “special” blessing. Only five percent will be absolutely free from worry of STD’s and worry over out-of-wedlock pregnancies, and the trauma that comes with decisions such as abortion. Only five percent will be spared from depression, guilt and shame that are common among those who are promiscuous. Only five percent will be among those who have a decreased likelihood of divorce and greater odds of a happy marriage and family life. Only five percent will have succeeded in practicing self-restraint when it comes to having sex outside of marriage and will no doubt, stand a greater chance of practicing self-restraint when it comes to sexual temptations within marriage. Should you marry someone who is also fortunate enough to be among this “special” group of five percent, you will also have a greater peace of mind that your spouse will be more likely to practice self-restraint from sexual temptations within marriage and be less likely to stray. Finally, only five percent will experience the fullness of what God meant when He said “the two will become one.” Only five percent will become one….with only one. So, what do you think? Do you want to be among this “special” group of five percent or do you want to join the other 95 percent who insisted on setting the ground rules for sex and ignored God in the process?"

I call it "The 5% factor" and I've talked it up with all three of my children. And for the record, every statement above is backed by proven statistics of which were too numerous to list on a blog post. So, when I sat down with my daughter yesterday to discuss the CDC's new findings that 1 in 4 teen girls has an STD, I approached it from the angle of "this is yet further proof that girls your age are buying the culture's lies and it just makes sense to instead, follow God's Truth." I then asked her if she thought that girls her age would think twice about having sex if they thought they could get cancer or end up infertile. She said, "Yeah, I mean no one wants to get cancer and most of my friends want to be moms someday." I followed with, "Can you imagine how frightened so many of your friends will be when the truth comes out and they are left wondering if their decision to have sex has left them with A) an STD; B) HPV that could lead to cervical cancer; C) Chlamydia that can lead to infertility? That's an awful lot for a girl to have to worry about." (And by the way, something we in the church need to be sensitive to as we minister to teen girls and share the good news of God's grace)

Allow me to share a brief excerpt from my upcoming book, 5 Conversations You Must Have With Your Daughter regarding Chlamydia: (I will address HPV in a future post)

According to the Center for Disease Control, Chlamydia remains the most commonly reported infectious disease in the United States. In 2003, 877,478 Chlamydial infections were reported to CDC, up from 834,555 cases reported in 2002. Because many cases are not reported or even diagnosed, it is estimated that there are actually 2.8 million new cases of chlamydia each year. Additionally, a report from 2005 found that nearly 1 in 20 women between the ages of 14-19 (4.6 percent) were infected – the highest proportion of any age group.

A physician at a large university health center who anonymously penned the book, Unprotected: A Campus Psychiatrist Reveals How Political Correctness in Her Profession Endangers Every Student has been sounding the alarm for quite some time about Chlamydia: “We do know that most women who have been infected discover it in a startling way – when they can’t conceive. Since in up to 80 percent of infected women, Chlamydia produces no pain, fever, or discharge, a woman thinks she’s fine. Like her infected cells, she’s an unsuspecting hostess to a dangerous guest. Years later, when she’s settled down, married, and put the partying and hookups behind her; she’s told that her blood has antichlamydial antibodies – evidence of an old infection. The doctor puts a scope through her navel to look at her fallopian tubes, and discovers they are enlarged and scarred by adhesions. And this is the reason she cannot have a baby.”

Now, given that little snippet, we can certainly see why this breaking news affects not just our daughters, but also our sons. Which leads me to an interesting conversation I had with my 15 year-old son yesterday regarding the CDC's findings. I told Hayden that almost half of the girls having sex already have an STD and many don't even know it. I further told him that some STD's can lead to cancer or infertility and he immediately replied, "Well, how will I know if the girl I want to marry someday has one? Good question! I explained that screenings would be necessary. Hayden then said, "I'm not marrying someone until I know she for sure doesn't have an STD, so she has to get tested before we get married." I talked with Hayden about God's grace and forgiveness for those who mess up and contract an STD, so he could address it with a bit more mercy. But Hayden interrupted and said, "Okay, yeah I get that, but I want to have kids someday and I would be really ticked if we couldn't have kids because my wife had an STD and I didn't know about it." Of course, I took the opportunity to let him know that some couples are unable to have children and it is completely unrelated to having an STD. He seemed to understand that possibility and said, "Well yeah, but that's not my wife's fault so that's different." He then followed with, "Guys have a right to know if the girl they want to marry has an STD." Amen to that. As do girls have a right to know if the guy they want to marry has an STD.

My daughter just so happened to be in the room to hear her brother's response. Clearly something clicked and she made the connection that for some guys, having an STD just might be a deal-breaker to marriage. She smiled confidently and said, "Wow, I guess that means guys will be after me like vultures." Okay, so I'm not crazy about the imagery of guys pursuing her like "vultures," but I think she's getting it! Being a part of the 5% factor is looking more appealing every day.

If your child is 12 or older, you need to be speaking just as candidly with your own children. Don't wait another day. And don't feel intimidated because you are not familiar with actual statistics to back up your talk. The truth is, our kids are bored easily with statistics and would rather we approach it in a general fashion. "STD's can cause cancer and infertility." That statement alone should be enough to get their attention. The ultimate goal is to help our kids connect the dots on the "why" behind God's mandate to save sex for marriage.

Only time will tell if my own three children will follow through on their commitment to wait. In the meantime, I will keep talking up the 5% factor up and taking advantage of teachable moments that reinforce why it makes sense to follow God's rules when it comes to sex. And most importantly, I will pray like mad.

A sad state of affairs indeed

Perhaps you heard the rumblings in the news yesterday regarding a new study from the Centers for Disease Control that found that at least one in four teenage girls nationwide has a sexually transmitted disease. Take a minute to let your mind wrap around that statistic. Now let it roll off your tongue: ONE IN FOUR TEEN GIRLS HAS AN STD. This is not to be mistaken with the previous statistic that found that one in four "sexually active teens" has an STD. No, this is one in four teen girls, period, has an STD. Consider that the study found that nearly half of the girls in their sample were sexually active and among those, 40% tested positive for an STD. The study further found the HPV virus that causes cervical cancer is by far the most common sexually transmitted infection in girls age 14 to 19 with Chlamydia as the runner-up.

The CDC's Dr. Kevin Fenton said given that STDs can cause infertility and cervical cancer in women, "screening, vaccination and other prevention strategies for sexually active women are among our highest public health priorities."

Hmmm....Can you hear me growling? As for "prevention strategies," I've got a novel idea. Why don't we start speaking out against the key offenders who glamorize hooking-up as a standard teen right-of-passage? Did I hear or read one single media report that even so much as mentioned our hyper-sexualized culture as a possible cause of this new statistic? Nope. Not one. All I heard was "Abstinence programs are not effective, blah, blah, blah..."; "We need to require the HPV vaccine, blah, blah, blah..."; "We need to offer free STD screenings without requiring parental notification, blah, blah, blah..." Let's all brace ourselves for the slew of public service announcements for vaccines and screenings that will no doubt be coming down the pipe. I'm sure they will air during Gossip Girls, Desperate Housewives, and be in print in Seventeen and CosmoGirl, all key offenders who peddle the "just do it" message ad nauseam. Am I the only one who finds this hypocritical and just plain irresponsible?

Just recently, I tuned into a Sex in the City rerun out of pure curiosity, having heard much ado about the show in the past. Within five minutes, I had a lump in my throat and felt sick to my stomach. The focus of the show was, of course, the rampant hook-up sex the main characters experience. One of the main characters, Miranda, finds out she has Chlamydia and is forced to tally up all the men she has slept with in order to notify them that they may be a carrier. As she’s scribbling down name after name on a piece of paper, she expresses amazement that she somehow managed to get through law school, graduate with honors, and become a successful attorney in spite of the frequency of her little sex-tracurricular activity. Later, in a scene where she is in bed with her boyfriend, she refers to herself as a “dirty, diseased whore” and expresses concern that the list she made of her past sexual partners wasn’t a short one. He questions her about the number and with some prodding, she admits that she has slept with 42 different men. He follows by admitting to sleeping with over 60 women.

Meanwhile, another character, Carrie Bradshaw, played by Sarah Jessica Parker, is confused as to why her new love interest of just ten days has not accepted her invitation to spend the night (translation: have hook-up sex). After she confronts him and boldly asks for a reason, he explains that it’s just been ten days and after sleeping casually with so many different women, he is trying to move in the direction of saving sex for someone he truly cares for. As her date kisses her at the door and walks away, she ponders this unpredicted shift from sex to romance and how it caught her off guard and didn’t even enter her mind as a possibility in a relationship. She concludes her thoughts with the classic statement, “Are we simply romantically challenged, or are we sluts?” Am I allowed to answer that?

I am a realist and I know that a biblical message of saving sex for marriage is not going to gain a cultural endorsement. However, that doesn't mean we give up the fight. We need to make sure that our children are clear on the "why" behind God's mandate to save sex for marriage. As a back-up, we also need to make sure that the words "cancer" and "infertility" are etched in our daughters' minds as possible outcomes to sex outside of marriage. For the girls who could care less about God's moral standards, let's see if a fear of cancer (and possibly, death) and infertility don't resonate on some level with them and in turn, alter their risky behaviors. And that my friend, is a message that could gain cultural endorsement. Just as the tobacco industry was eventually shamed into silence when studies concluded that smoking was not as glamorous as the advertisements touted, we need to insist that a similar approach is taken with key offenders who are notorious for glamorizing sex without telling the truth about the consequences.

I want to see the characters in these shows dealing with the shame and embarrassment that comes from contracting an STD and having to tell their partner or future spouse. Or how about the writers allow a character to get cervical cancer and go through a painful treatment process and fear death? How about we put a twist on Carrie Bradshaw's marriage in the upcoming Sex In the City movie releasing in a few months and we see her break the news to her beloved that she is infertile due to an STD? Better yet, what if we show our girls the reality that some men will not even consider marrying a woman with an STD? Mind you, some of the same men no doubt who were all too happy to sleep around but don't have the same price to pay in the end. Perhaps, Seventeen and CosmoGirl can profile adult women who have cervical cancer or struggle with pain of infertility. Let's hear the stories about expensive fertility treatments and endless shots that have to be taken daily and see the tears that flow regularly when the pregnancy tests continue to show up negative. I won't hold my breath...

It's up to parents to have a new and improved sex talk with our daughters (and sons). Amazingly, I devoted an entire "conversation" to this very subject in my upcoming book, Five Conversations You Must Have With Your Daughter. The whole premise behind the book is that each of the conversations are "ongoing conversations" that need to take place from cradle to college. In the meantime, I sat my own daughter down yesterday and shared the latest statistics and then cornered the 14 year-old up in his room. College Boy comes home this evening and will get an earful at some point over his Spring Break vacation. Let's not forget the impact this statistic will have on our sons, as well. It certainly puts Proverbs 31:10 into perspective. "Who can find a virtuous woman? Her price is far above rubies."

Update: I have had several emails or comments come in asking for clarification on my position to the HPV vaccine. My answer can be found in the comments. I will plan to do some research on further progress regarding the vaccine and post about it in the near future. Tomorrow, I am planning to post some actual talking points that I am using with my daughter (nearly 18) and my two sons (15, 19) regarding the ramifications of the finding in the CDC study that 1 in 4 teen girls has an STD. I would love to hear yours as well!

This post will serve as proof that I need to get a life

I have a fun survey for you that could perhaps, be the strangest survey you have ever taken. My pint-sized pocket pup, Scout, loves to play the game of keep-away and will swipe items off of our coffee table or the bottom shelf of our pantry. It has provided much entertainment for our family and alas, I had my camera nearby to capture a couple of clips for your entertaining pleasure. I am considering using one of these clips at my upcoming You and Your Girl event in Virginia next month to illustrate a spiritual truth and I need your help. Which clip is your favorite?






Thanks for helping me out! Also, if you have a tween daughter, be on the lookout for "Between Us Girls" that releases on July 1, 2008. Scout contributed an article to the magabook about his traumatic experience of breaking both his front legs last summer! I have written about my other Yorkie (Lexie) in the first Between magabook and often share dog stories when speaking to tween girls. I had one tween girl ask me at a book-signing last year if my dogs had a website or if I had an extra picture of them! I'm thinking we're onto something here...

A few good role models...at least for now

There was a buzz in the media this past month when The Jonas Brothers (Kevin, Joe and Nick) revealed they'd each made a promise to themselves and God to avoid sex before marriage and wear purity rings to back it up. If you're not familiar with The Jonas Brothers, just ask any tween or teen girl and they should be able to help you out.

Julianne Hough, the 19-year-old Dancing With The Stars regular is also vowing to remain a virgin until she gets married. She recently told CosmoGIRL!,

"I want to be with that special person. I think (the choice) to have sex before marriage is an individual one, but if you're just with one person, it's only for one good reason, and (waiting to have sex) will strengthen that relationship. I'm not trying to preach consequences here, but I think when you say no, down the line it will be a better decision."

I plan to take advantage of this teachable moment and point out to my children the unashamed commitment of these four youngsters to wait to have sex until marriage. However, role models will come and go, so it’s wise to keep a balanced perspective. Even those who appear to be good will disappoint at times. While it’s nice to be able to point our children to someone else’s positive example, we want to make sure their admiration of the role model du jour’ doesn’t go overboard and border on idol worship. We need to exercise extreme caution when it comes to looking to pop stars as role models. Most, quite honestly, are not worthy of a following. On that note, let's add The Jonas Brothers and Julianne Hough to our prayer lists.

Extreme floor makeover

I finally have pictures of our lake house floor makeover. You might remember hearing about flooding in Marble Falls, Tx, this past summer when 18 inches of rain fell in a single day. We were on vacation at the time and didn't discover that we had some flood damage until a couple weeks later. I was stepping out the back door when I suddenly noticed that the carpet felt squishy. Apparently, our gutters filled up too fast and poured rain back into the outside walls and flooded the edges of our carpet. We bought the 40 year-old home a couple of years ago and it had harvest gold shag carpet downstairs and blue shag upstairs. At the time, my dream was to replace the carpet with easy to maintain stone or wood laminate floors, but alas, it wasn't in the budget, so I settled for a neutral low-grade carpet. So, you can only imagine how sad I was (cough, cough) to find that our carpet had been damaged.

After shopping around a bit, I decided to go for stained concrete overlay. This first picture is of our living room right before they ripped the carpet out.


The next couple of pictures show you a bit of the process. They would let one layer dry and come back the next day and do another. I believe it took a total of 3-4 layers over a one week period.



And the finished product! I LOVE it!




But wait, that's not all! Cory, the owner of Texas Etch and Score (Marble Falls) talked me into letting him try out the overlay technique on my red brick fireplace and I'm so glad I went for it! Check it out!

Flashback Friday: Simple pleasures.

Vintage 1990: One man's trash is another man's treasure. If I could find a picture of this same room two years later, you would find a palette of primary colors and all things Little Tyke. However, I can't imagine that my kids had any more fun playing on their high-dollar toys than they did in our cardboard creations.

Welcome to Ryan's "condo" as we called it. When I found these pictures, I had an instant flashback of trolling the neighborhood in my hail-damaged Dodge Caravan looking for treasure. Our neighborhood was a new development and if you were patient and determined, it was just a matter of time before you hit the appliance box jackpot. Take your shiny new appliances--just give me the boxes! I crack up when I think of the creative ways I would haul these boxes home. As my kids got older, they would scream with glee if we saw a big box on the curbside. My little box urchins knew the drill. We would park the minivan and unload, circling around the box like vultures who had just found dinner. It there was a will, there was a way and we always found a way. I'm not sure it was legal, but fortunately, we only had to travel a matter of blocks.

And here is Ryan today...moving into his first apartment this past August. Sigh.





What are some simple pleasures your children have enjoyed?

Purse-nickety fashion tips

First of all, let me thank each and every one of you for your words of encouragement and especially, your prayers regarding my last post. God is doing an amazing work and I have no doubt that what occurred was a direct answer to a specific prayer that I had been lifting up for some months. God is good...all the time.

Now, onto other important matters such as spring fashion. A couple of days ago, I received a comment on my "Open Letter to Hoochie Mamas" post from a woman who clearly took offense to my distaste of "hoochie-wear" for older women. She passed on some fashion advice of her own and said, "Maybe if you quit wearing your comfortable shoes and dorky clothes and show some skin every once in awhile, your husband would be attracted to you." Ouch. Talk about hitting below the belt. The "comfortable shoes" comment was completely uncalled for and caused me to gasp aloud when I read it. The pain is still fresh. Clearly this woman has not read this post. Those who truly know me, know that I have my shoe priorities in order: Cute always trumps comfort. And I have the blisters to prove it. In fact, take a look at these cuties I found yesterday at Old Navy.

Do they look comfortable? No! Absolutely not. Which is exactly why I bought them. In fact, the cuteness quotient was so high on these shoes, I was able to overlook the fact that I don't currently have an outfit to go with them. An entire outfit will be created for these shoes because quite simply, they are worthy of that. Maybe I can get BigMama to locate one as part of her "Fashion Friday" feature.

And so while at the checkout, I couldn't help but think of the "comfortable shoes" comment that had wounded my spirit. I had a hunch that this was not one of my regular blog readers so out of curiosity, I logged on to Sitemeter to see if I could find out a bit more about this visitor. Sitemeter will reveal such valuable information as the city/state my readers come from as well as what they typed in to get to my blog. Actually, it's rare that I look at this data because I have an aversion to data, especially if it involves charts with numbers.

As you can imagine, most everyone coming to my site, arrived by typing in www.virtuealert.com or found it by going first to www.vickicourtney.com. Pretty boring information, if you ask me. However, sometimes people get to my blog by googling certain search words and this is where the entertainment begins. This feature alone, has made having Sitemeter worth it. Now if you are an avid googler like myself and that thought makes you feel a bit uneasy, no worries. Sitemeter won't give addresses, names or any other identifying factors, so your googling habits are safe.

Which brings me to my conclusion. Apparently, this visitor googled "hoochie purse" and ended up on my "Hoochie Mama" post. Which certainly begs the question: What exactly does a "hoochie purse" look like? And better yet, will it match my new shoes?

Dear Satan, Get lost.

I had every intent of making a celebratory post yesterday announcing with great relief that I emailed my 5 Conversations You Must Have With Your Daughter manuscript to my publisher. Which by the way, I did, so praise God. Normally, when I reach that moment where I attach my chapters and table of contents on an email addressed to my editor and press the send tab, a feeling of euphoria sweeps over me. It's similar to when you were in college and you took your last final exam in the Spring. Remember that feeling? When you turned your test in and walked out of the building you wanted to turn cartwheels or something. Writing this book was similar in that I wrote it over a course of five months. I read fourteen books and nearly a hundred articles in my research. I surveyed women and girls to get a pulse on many of the topics. I lived it and breathed it. Actually, it's a better feeling than when I turned in a final exam. Unlike my college years, I enjoyed the process of research and writing the book. And I felt passionate about the subject matter because I knew it mattered more in the scheme of eternity than say, Statistics or Microeconomics. Oh, and I was pretty sure I would pass. :)


So, yesterday I wrestled with whether or not to post a generic "Yippee, skippy--I finished writing my book" kind of post or just come clean about how I'm really feeling. Not being one to care much for the "pretender game" that so many Christians are adept at playing (I could have taught the course in years past), I've decided to level with you. This past weekend I was dealt a doozy. An absolute doozy. In an effort to protect the privacy of my children, I can't share a whole lot of details, except to say that it ranks in my top two most stressful moments in the "parenting of teens" category. Quite honestly, my husband and I have only experienced a handful of what we deem to be "real biggies" during our last six years of having high schoolers. And gosh, I sure hope I can type that last sentence after my last one walks across the graduation stage in 2011 to sum up our then, nine years of having high schoolers. Especially when I think back on my own high school years. :)

So, I was was walking into last weekend needing every precious millisecond to do a final read-through on my 5 Conversations book before sending it in on Monday. Ahem, a parenting book, mind you. And then, said stressful moment occurred. On Friday. Of course, the enemy clocked-in and did his best to convince me that I was not qualified to write parenting books. It was all I could do to proof-read the book, trouble-shoot the issue at hand, and quite frankly, just keep breathing through the weekend. There were moments when I questioned my calling and since we're being honest here, there were moments when I even thought about quitting in an effort to remove my children from the warfare target zone. I thought about maybe becoming one of those moms whose biggest worry of the day is whether or not she can figure out how to tivo Oprah or bleach that pen mark out of her husband's white dress shirt. That mom. Instead of the mom who writes and speaks on raising kids in a challenging culture while she's in the trenches of raising her own kids in the same challenging culture. The one who sometimes feels like an utter failure in the process...like this past weekend.

But then God reminded me (in between hyper-ventilating breaths) that He's not looking for perfect people to write perfect books about raising perfect children. He's looking for people who are desperately dependent on Him and doing their darnedest to raise their kids to be desperately dependent on Him, as well. Which is a good thing because that's where I am right now. Not perfect. Not an expert. Not raising perfect children. Just desperately dependent on Him. Which is quite honestly, kind of a nice place to be.

And while we're on the subject of warfare, would you believe that my other stressful parenting moment in the "top two" (it involved my oldest son) happened several years ago just days before my "Your Boy: Raising a Godly Son in an Ungodly World" deadline? Yeah, I thought you would. Oh, and as if I needed one more clue that the enemy is awfully ticked off about a book that exposes the lies of the culture and equips parents with biblical truth, get this: Yesterday morning, I pulled up each of the "five conversations" (72,000 words total with each conversation averaging about 40-50 double-spaced pages) before sending it to my editor. My last task before sending it on was to cut and paste my bazillion footnotes onto a separate document. I was almost finished when suddenly, a box appeared on my screen that said, "Word has quit unexpectedly. Do you wish to restore previous sessions?" I kid you not. All five documents disappeared. When I clicked "yes" on the restore command and then held my breath, only two were recovered with my latest changes. Two.

Fortunately, God prompted me to get out of bed at 1 a.m. on the night before the book was due and email myself each of the conversations, so I was able to recover the others and start cutting and pasting again. Two hours later, I sent it on--all nineteen chapters zipping through cyber-space to my editor. Whew. What a relief. Not a turning cartwheels kind of relief. Rather an exhausted relief...like I'd just come through a fierce battle...and won. And that's certainly worth celebrating now, isn't it?