Miley proves nobody's perfect...again and again

Heartsick. That's the only word I can think of to describe how I feel about the Vanity Fair picture scandal involving Miley Cyrus. Add to it another scandal that surfaced the web last week involving candid shots of her exposing her lacy bra. I refrained from blogging about the latter photos when they came out last week due to the fact that it was rumored to be a Miley look-alike and I was unable to confirm if they were in fact, Miley. But alas, she came clean on Sunday in a statement to People.com where she issued an apology to her fans for the provocative photos that surfaced on the web last week as well as the photos from the Vanity Fair shoot that had at the time, not yet been released.

"My goal in my music and my acting is always to make people happy. For Vanity Fair, I was so honored and thrilled to work with Annie [Leibovitz]. I took part in a photo shoot that was supposed to be 'artistic' and now, seeing the photographs and reading the story, I feel so embarrassed."

A source close to the singer tells PEOPLE that Cyrus is clothed but shown by renowned photographer Annie Leibovitz in such a way that that the teen appears to be topless.

In the photos that circulated on the Internet, Cyrus, her midriff exposed, is shown draped over the lap of her then-boyfriend, her producer's son. In another image, a hint of a green bra is evident.

Miley, Miley, Miley. Oh darlin', we were holding our breath hoping you would not succumb to the pressures to, well, behave like the average teen girl in America. Am I the only one who thinks that Disney should seriously think about retiring these stars when they turn 14? And while I am certainly disappointed in Miley's lack of discretion, I am mortified that the adults surrounding her didn't step in and call a halt to the nonsense. According to People.com, Cyrus's parents, including father Billy Ray, were at the shoot, however they left before the final photo was shot. The article states that Cyrus's grandmother and teacher were still present at that time. Photographer Annie Leibovitz defends the photos as "simple" and "beautiful," and says she's "sorry that my portrait of Miley has been misinterpreted."

Not that we should be surprised about Ms. Leibovitz' clear lack of judgment. Her Wikipedia bio states that "Her work often has strong sexual overtones." Shame on you, Ms. Leibovitz, for taking what appears to most to be a topless photo of a 15 year-old girl and calling it "artistic." I bet pedophiles won't be using the word "artistic" when they see the picture. As a mother with young daughters, you should be devoted to protecting young women from the rampant sexualization that has become all too common, not encouraging it. And shame on Vanity Fair for publishing the photos. Whatever it takes to sell more magazines, I guess. Never mind that the girl is 15 years old and the world is run amok with pedophiles who get their jollies looking at pictures like this.

And as a side note, I hope and pray that Miley's parents are paying close attention to the public outcry. Miley's tremendous popularity is (was?) directly related to her innocent and wholesome appeal, especially at a time when few stars seem to possess this quality. If her fan base perceives that this quality has expired and she is now headed down a similar path as other child stars who have gone before her (Vanessa Hudgens, Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan, Jessica Simpson, etc...), it could very well become a self-fulfilling prophecy. If she needs reining in, now is the time when she's still under their roof and authority EVEN if it means putting the brakes on her career. For a Christian family, the focus shouldn't be about the money, level of fame, or redeeming her career--it should be about developing her Christian character and ultimately performing for an audience of One.

We shouldn't be surprised when celebrities slip up and make mistakes in the public eye. If you watch long enough and closely enough, they will all disappoint. The same would be true for each of us if we lived our lives under a microscope and the public scrutinized our every word and deed. In the meantime, what do parents tell their young daughters? For starters, we tell them that this is the very reason God cautioned us not to have any other gods before Him. Then, we tell them that Miley made some very poor choices that she has apologized to her fans for those choices. Next, we remind them that Miley is a Christian and that the Bible says that God separates our sins as far as the East is from the West. We also remind them that we too, are called to forgive. Finally, we explain that even though Miley is forgiven, she will experience consequences for her actions. Which in this case could translate into a tarnished career, especially if it's riding on the support of a young, impressionable fan base dependent on Mom and Dad opening their wallets. And Mom and Dad may very well be growing weary of having the poor role model discussion with their children. Again and again.

Flashback Friday: Snips and snails.

Vintage 1990: My college boy is headed home on May 8th and I can hardly wait to see him. We talk at least every other day, but nothing beats knowing all your children are sleeping soundly in their rooms down the hall. It's hard to believe that he's almost half way done with college--unless of course, he follows in his mom's footsteps and opts for the five-year plan. Dad has made it clear that he's only paying for four years, so I'm thinking we're half way done. :)

Many of you know that I write predominantly on issues pertaining to raising girls, but I absolutely LOVE being a mom to two boys. Who knows, maybe there is a "5 Conversations You Must Have With Your Son" in the future. If you have a boy, I hope you enjoy this excerpt from my Your Boy book!

In the early years, I experienced firsthand the indescribable bond God creates between a mother and her son. Sure, many of us are blessed with husbands who do a pretty good job in the unconditional love department, but a son, especially in those early years, will melt your heart with his shameless adoration. What mother cannot remember in detail the priceless things her boys say to her in those years? “Mom, when I grow up, I’m going to marry you.” “Mom, you are bootiful.” “Mom, I love you infinite times infinite times a thousand.” Or, as my second son, Hayden, said to me at the age of six when he crawled up in my lap to snuggle, “Mom, you are my kind of woman.” Perhaps, that is what makes the mother/son bond so different from the mother/daughter bond. Mom is truly the #1 woman in her son’s life in the early years. She is the reigning queen of his heart.

Our sons’ unconditional love and adoration helps quell any leftover residue of pain we may have suffered at the hands of countless other boys in those awkward growing up years. Remember when we obsessed over whether or not the boys thought we were pretty? Well, guess what? Our sons think we are—sans the makeup and with an extra 20 pounds! Remember sweating it out wondering if we would get asked to the homecoming dance? This boy will dance to our heart’s content and turn the average kitchen into an elegant ballroom. Remember waiting by the phone, hoping that special boy would call? This boy will call you nonstop on his pretend phone! Our sons will place us on a pedestal that ascends into the starry heights of Heaven. One look into their adoring eyes and we are forever hooked.

I’ve done plenty of things wrong, and I’ve done plenty of things right. But, if I could give you one word of advice as a mother who has a son who is in college, it would be to enjoy enjoy every stage of your son’s journey to manhood. When older mothers, such as myself, come along and remind you of how fast time passes, take heed.

Mothers, before you know it, your boys will be halfway through college and you will be the one counting the days until they return. Enjoy today and have a great weekend!

Feel free to share any heart-warming things your boys have said to you over the years!

Sugar and spice...and not always nice

While reminiscing with old friends some years ago at my 20 year high school reunion, a classmate, much to my embarrassment, began to make comments about how mean I had been in junior high school. She recanted in detail things I had said behind her back and times when I had purposely left her out and rallied other girls to do the same. Even though her tone was light-hearted and her words laced with laughter, I found it disturbing that I had earned a spot in the annals of the history of her middle school years as one of the “mean girls.” I apologized profusely for my past behavior and chalked it up to standard adolescent insecurities.

Anyone who doubts that the inclinations of the heart are bent toward evil from childhood (Genesis 8:21), need only attend a junior high sleepover where an uneven number of girls are present. Gossip, tears, and back-biting make for full-fledged drama, popcorn included. For many girls, the drama begins long before middle school, and moms are left scratching their heads in confusion. While my own daughter experienced her fair share of hurt feelings, being left out on occasion, and some teasing at the hands of a mean girl or two, I also remember a time when I received a call from the Headmaster about her being the mean girl. She was in the 3rd grade and she and a couple of other girls were being ugly to a new girl in the school and rallying the other girls to leave her out at recess. Sigh. Of course, there were consequences, including a note of apology she hand-delivered to the girl. In addition, I monitored the situation closely for the remainder of the year. Interestingly, they ended up becoming great friends in 5th grade. Go figure.

Girls who are “sugar and spice and everything nice” are made, not born. As important as it is to invest time and effort into protecting our daughters from mean girls, we must be equally as diligent in ensuring they don't become mean girls. And you thought potty training was hard! Below, are three ways to help rein in your daughter's inner mean girl:

1. Ban cutting remarks. No doubt, we could greatly reduce the population of mean girls if more parents would take a stand and forbid their daughters to speak harsh words against others. Proverbs 12:18 reminds us that "reckless words pierce like a sword." When you tell your daughter that harsh words are not allowed, you are in a sense, disarming her by taking away her primary weapon of assault. She may attempt to pick up her "sword" when out of your sight, but by putting a ban on harsh words at home, you reduce the chances that she will cultivate a full-blown habit. In other words, you make it difficult for her to become a full-time mean girl.

2. Put a gag on gossip. This one is so obvious that it hardly requires justification. The Bible is chock full of verses that spell out the dangers of gossip. To the mean girl, the words of a gossip are like choice morsels; they go down to a man's inmost parts. (Prov. 18:8) The more they ingest, the more they crave in the future. Make it hard for your daughter to gossip by having a zero-tolerance policy in your home. Hold her accountable when you overhear it and be very careful not to model it yourself. When you do stumble (we all do), own it and ask for forgiveness.

3. Know the difference between a peer group and a clique. A clique is a toxic group of girls normally made up of 1-2 ring-leaders and a multitude of followers. Of course, a clique wouldn't be complete without an unwilling victim. A peer group, on the other hand, does not constitute a clique. We should encourage our daughters to be nice to everyone, but it is unreasonable to expect that our daughters will develop a peer group that includes everyone. Just as we have natural preferences when it comes to developing friendships, our daughters, too, will prefer the company of some girls over others. This can be a difficult time for many girls who have been friends with girls in their younger years only to discover they have little in common as the years go on. And may the Good Lord help us all if their mothers just so happen to be pals who have dreamed their daughters would become lifelong friends. Been there, done that. And yes, we all survived. :)

Also, note that a peer group can morph into a clique, so moms need to keep a close eye on the dynamics of the group and intervene if necessary. There were a handful of times in my daughter's younger years where I had to step in and limit her association with some of the girls in her peer group because it had gotten to the point where it produced more heartache than joy (on both sides).

Finally, remember that it's not uncommon for a girl to play the part of the "mean girl" at some point in her growing up journey. Truth be told, we all have an "inner mean girl" who is chomping at the bit for a little stage time. She can surface at any time...and at any age. Only by allowing God to run the show will we be able to keep her at bay.

Have you experienced any "mean girl" encounters where your daughter was either the victim or the one doling it out? Tell us about it and remember, you can be anonymous.

Don't stop believin'--just hold on to the feelin'

Last night, my youngest son (15) asked me if I had heard about the above story featured on The Ellen Degeneres Show and then showed me the clip. Oh. my. goodness. For the next one hour, we watched vintage clips of Journey on YouTube and compared them to recent clips featuring the new frontman, Arnel Pineda. Part of being a good mother is raising your kids to appreciate good music. Like Journey. And The Cars. And Boston. Which reminds me of a time when my children were students at a wonderful Christian school that tried in vain to expose them to the fineries of classical music (think Bach, Beethoven, Mozart, Tchaikovsky). I say "in vain" because I still bow my head in shame over a fancy school function we attended when my daughter was a mere 7 years old. We entered a banquet hall with classical music playing softly in the background only to have my little princess state loudly in the hearing of all, "Oh no, not this again. This place could use a little Rock-in-Roll." I guess we know what will NOT be playing at her wedding. Perhaps, she could make her way down the aisle to "Open Arms." Ah, but I digress.

My children had Journey on their Ipods long before The Sopranos ended their final season with Journey's ever-famous, "Don't Stop Believin," which sent a wake-up call to the youth of America that Steve Perry is a rock legend and Journey is way better than any of that Hip-Hop drivel they call music. (I don't watch or endorse the show--no hate mail, please) This explains my 15 year-old's excitement about the band because he has flashbacks of mom singing to her oldies but goodies in the car while he swayed to the beat in his car seat. Seriously, who needs Phonics tapes when you have Journey? After watching clips, including this one highlighting Arnel Pineda's debut performance singing with the band in Las Vegas...



...we decided on a whim to see if Journey would be performing anywhere near us in the near future. Mercy Moses. Look what we found on their website:

Journey w/ Cheap Trick and Heart
Sat, Jul 26
Woodlands Pavilion - Spring, TX

Journey. Cheap Trick. Heart. All in one place at the same time. Help. I can't breathe. Guess where my entire family will be on July 26th? Yes, we have come full circle, my friends. I saw Journey live in concert three times during both my high school and college years and now, I will be taking my own high school and college-aged children to see them. Because I'm a good mom. From the 80's. And that's what good moms from the 80's do. I might even pull out ye old curling iron for the occasion. My youngest son is so excited that just moments ago, he sent me the following text message from class: "I AM GETTING SO EXCITED FOR THE CONCERT...we better go..." That is his message verbatim, caps and all. So, come July 26th, we'll be the family of five at the Cynthia Woods Mitchell Pavilion in The Woodlands, TX, waving our hands in the air like we just don't care. Faithfully. With open arms.

UPDATE: Snap. I just checked the ticket prices for the concert and prices begin at $50 each for general admission on the LAWN. If we want an actual reserved seat with some sort of covering, we'll have to shell out $150-$850 per ticket. No, that was not a typo. Are the tickets dipped in 24 karat gold and good for a tour of Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory the next day? Mercy. I will keep you posted, but it may just be me and the 15 year-old....on the lawn. I wonder if he'll let me sit on his shoulders?

UPDATE TO THE UPDATE:Thanks to blog reader, lorrising, who tipped me off to a family four-pack deal for $99 on the lawn, I was able to add one extra ticket to the deal and make it happen!

You and Your Girl/Virginia!

The event was a wonderful success and I've just received word from LifeWay that there were: 9 Salvations, 14 Recommitments, and 4 Called to Christian Vocation!! Oh my! Thank you, God! Here are a few quotes from moms and girls that LifeWay received:

"This weekend allowed me to see that I am not alone in the "mom world" and
reaffirmed that I am "on track". I am so blessed to have had this opportunity to share with my girls. I wish something had been available like this for me and my mom. I hope and pray that my daughters will be able to remember this weekend as a stepping stone in their spiritual journey."

"I loved it! It definitely made my mother and I waaaaaaay closer."

"This is my first You & Your Girl event and I am truly impressed. The
young age group, the preteens so badly need this conference. As a parent I have also been blessed and encouraged by the content."

I met so many wonderful moms and girls and was honored to play any part in the event. I'm just now getting around to putting up a few pictures because I woke up with a pre-migraine and have been fighting it all day. It's finally lifted enough for me to stare at my laptop screen without it being blurry (and painful!).

Enjoy the few pics I got and hopefully, I'll be back to blogging tomorrow!

Flashback Friday: Daddy makeovers.

Vintage 1993: I would say that hubby looks rather calm given that this was by far, one of the toughest seasons in our parenting journey. The kids were ages 4, 2, and one month. Need I say more? Something about seeing my now, almost 20 year-old college boy holding a pink hair dryer just makes me laugh. I think I'll send him a link to this post to get his reaction. And get a load of hubby's big wire-frame glasses and short shorts. Hands off, ladies--he's all mine. Honestly, there's nothing more attractive than a daddy who loves his kids. Especially one who'll wear a pink plastic smock. :)


I'm off to Virginia for the first You and Your Girl event of 2008! Please say a prayer for everyone in attendance and that God will be glorified. I'll plan to post an update coming on Monday and let you know the 2009 locations that have recently been confirmed! Have a GREAT weekend...

How about we have ourselves a progressive lunch party?

Last week, I had to fill out a survey form for a church function and I got stumped on the following question:

If you could have lunch with anyone in the world, who would you pick?

Of course, I had to over-analyze the question and wonder if it was referring to actual living, breathing individuals in our world today or if it included people who have already departed this earth. I ended up leaving the question blank after staring at it for a good half hour.

Problem is, I kept thinking about that question in the week that followed! Since it's a one shot deal, you certainly don't want to waste your one and only lunch with someone who ends up checking their Blackberry every three minutes and offering blank stares in response to your deep and thoughtful questions. Not to mention, my answer would change over time, depending on the circumstances of my life and the season I'm in. Make sense?

So, I wanted to pose the question to you. You can choose either someone living today or someone who is deceased. No Bible characters -- I'll leave that one for another day. And assume you can change your answer each year and pick a new lunch partner. Here's who I'd pick for this year's lunch partner:

William Wilberforce (August 24, 1759 – July 29, 1833) British politician, philanthropist, slavery abolitionist, and most importantly, evangelical Christian. I just recently watched the movie, "Amazing Grace" and as a fellow activist, I was immediately drawn to the testimony of his religious conversion and subsequently, his God-given assignment to crusade for moral reform. If I could have lunch with him, I would want to ask him how he reconciled (if he ever did) the feeling that the job is never done. Sometimes, I am overwhelmed by the thought that my meager efforts to see a much-needed culture shift are nothing more than a tiny, ripple on a pond. Yet, I can't sit back and not respond to the fallout our youth (esp. our young women) are experiencing in today's provocative culture. It's simply not in my make-up. Maybe it's because I was the girl who bought the lies and experienced the fallout ... I once was lost but now am found, was blind, but now, I see. That thought alone drives my passion. I so desperately want them to open their eyes and meet my Jesus. Every last one of them.

Now, it's your turn to answer. Who would you want to have lunch with; why; and what would you ask him/her? Post your answer here or do a blog post on the subject and link us to your blog! Spread the word--this will be a fun way to get to know one another!

The Princess and the Prom

Once upon a time, a nurse placed a tiny baby girl into her mother's arms and with the eloquence of a royal introduction said, "Meet your Princess." The mother smiled as she nestled that baby girl close to her and said a prayer for the little Princess.



As she stared at the tiny, delicate features on her newborn Princess, her mind was filled with visions of Princess grandeur. She pictured the dance classes, tutus and pink ballet slippers.



She smiled when she thought about the Easter dresses to come, with white lace tights and matching hair bows.




She wondered if her Princess would enjoy doing princess things like playing dress up.



She desperately hoped that her Princess would be a daddy's girl. She prayed her earthly father would shower her with unconditional love, so she would have a small glimpse of her heavenly Father's love.






Finally, she said a prayer that she and the Princess would be close. She knew there would be bumps in the road, but she hoped that they would be few and far between.





She looked forward to watching the Princess grow up. And she hoped that when it came time for the ball, the Princess would need her help.




And alas, it came to be.

Yep, it's official--the baby has outgrown his mama

I knew it was bound to happen someday, but I was still caught off guard when I saw this picture. We were headed out the door last night for Hayden's basketball banquet and Keith snapped a quick picture. You know how the preschool years at times seemed to be at a virtual standstill? Well, it's moments like this in the teen years when time seems to move at warp speed. Add to it, getting my daughter ready on Saturday evening for the Senior Prom and suddenly, I feel very....OLD. And did I mention that my oldest will turn 20 this June? Twenty. the big 2-0. Twenty, as in, not even a teen anymore. Which I guess would make me the mother of two teens and a....six foot grown man? Mercy. I need another cup of coffee...

Prom pictures to follow later!

Flashback Friday: Forever friends.

1991: My son Ryan (far right)with his two buds, Garrett and Dustin in front of their three year-old Sunday School class


2006: All three boys in the same order at Senior Appreciation Sunday


Pictures like this remind me of the timeless value of forever friends, not to mention, the benefits of sticking at the same church for 21 years! All three of these boys grew up in ministry families and have remained friends through the years. Garrett (left) and Dustin (middle), are the sons of our Pastor and Music Director, whose families just so happen to be our closest friends.

These boys were "best buds" growing up and they are still "best buds," today, even as college boys. They never attended the same schools (including college), but they have logged countless hours in the church nursery, toddler department, children's department, youth group, play groups, mission trips, youth retreats, family get-togethers, and family vacations. There have been times when one or more have strayed from God's path, albeit briefly, only to be nudged back into the fold by each other (and the prayers of the collective parents). They have celebrated victories together, given one another advice, encouraged one another after break-ups, and most recently, banded together when one lost his sister unexpectedly. In fact, it was during that painful season that God revealed to all three of our families the value and absolute necessity of forever friends. It bonded our families together for life, both parents and children.

I love these two families more than words can express. And their children, are my children....which means I can boss them like their mother! It also means I can hug their necks every time I see them and enjoy every minute of watching their continued journeys as they mature in the Lord, the eventual weddings to come, and the blessing of seeing them become parents. As a bonus, I can annoy them with reminders of pre-school temper tantrums, their obsession with the Ninja Turtles (see picture--poor, poor Garrett with the mean mother), broken windows from too much rough-housing (cough, cough, Dustin), and earning the title of the most difficult baby in the nursery (cough, cough, Garrett). And yes, my boy was the sweet one who never caused a problem (hah!). Trust me when I say that that's only a sampling of the memories.

Are you investing in lifelong, forever friends? It'll pay off in the future in ways you could never imagine...

Shout to the Lord!...American Idol gets it right this time!

Can I just say WOW?!! In case you missed it, the remaining Idol contestants just performed an encore of "Shout to the Lord" (from last night) and this time got it right! Rather than sing the politically corrected version from last night ("My Shepherd, My Savior"), they belted out "My Jesus, My Savior, Lord there is none like You...

Can I get an AMEN?

Excuse me, but did they just sing "Shout to the Lord" on American Idol?

I know there will be plenty of other bloggers who focus on other substantial highlights from American Idol (America Gives Back segment) that aired last night. There was of course, the Miley Cyrus appearance and the cute banter segment with Billy Crystal, that adorably-cute-I-just-wanna-hug-her, Carrie Underwood, not to mention, the amazing documentaries that remind us how very blessed we are...not to mention, our responsibility to help those who are less fortunate.

However, I want to give a standing ovation for the goose-bump moment at the end of the show when the contestants gathered on stage and sang, "Shout to the Lord" accompanied by a church choir singing behind them. Oh. my. goodness. My jaw dropped to the ground. I absolutely LOVE that song and I don't care how old it is, it will always remain on my list of top ten worship songs.

I can still remember the first time I ever heard it. It was in 1997 and I was in a hotel room with a speaking engagement scheduled the next morning. I couldn't sleep, so I was channel surfing and I ended up on some gospel show where Darlene Zschech was singing the song. At the time, I had never heard of Darlene Zschech or "Shout to the Lord," but the words made me literally weep as I listened. I did everything I could in the days that followed to hunt down that song. I played it so much that my youngest (3 years old at the time) would request it at bedtime and knew every word. And folks, I don't sing. But we sang that chorus together night after night while I threw up a prayer that he would live the remainder of his years believing every word of it.

I pray the song has the same impact on others who watched and perhaps, heard it for the first time. May God use it mightily and give it a second birth. Even though they felt a need to substitute "My Shepherd" for "My Jesus," I pray the song will serve as a springboard that others may come to know my Shepherd, my Jesus.

Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father. (Phil. 2:9-11)

Lord, I sing for joy at the work of Your hands; Forever I'll love you, forever I'll stand; Nothing compares to the promise I have in You.

Protecting your daughter from the new strain of mean girls

By now, most of you have likely heard the media accounts about the Florida cheerleader who was beaten up by six other teens (some were fellow cheerleaders) until she was unconscious. When she awoke, they continued the beating while filming the attack and then capped their vengeance off by uploading it to YouTube (it has since been removed). After they were arrested, they were reported to be laughing and joking in their holding cell. One reportedly commented, "Guess we’re not going to go to the beach on this spring break" and another even asked the detective, ‘Am I going to be released in time to go to cheerleading practice tomorrow?"

While I didn't get the opportunity to discuss the story on Glenn Beck (they ran out of time on the first interview and the follow-up segment was canceled), I wanted to address the issue from a slightly different angle on my blog. I was struck by just how normal the suspects look in their mug shots, not to mention, how common stories like this are becoming. If you have a daughter, I'm sure you were left wondering like me, "How can I protect my daughter from falling prey to a posse of heartless, mean girls?" A mother's biggest fear is not being able to protect her child from harm. While there is no foolproof guarantee when it comes to protecting our children from horrific events such as this, I do believe we can reduce the risk factor or perhaps head such an event off at the pass with a dose of vigilant parenting.

If you're not familiar with the basics of the story, you can check it out here. It might be helpful to have some background information before reading my tips below as they reference a few of the players in this assault.

Tips for protecting your daughter from mean girls:

1. Know your daughter's friends. After reading numerous news accounts pertaining to the story in an effort to better prepare for the Glenn Beck show, I discovered that the victim was at one point (just weeks ago) friends with some of the girls and even staying at the home where the attack occurred the week prior to the beating. Now, I know you are probably getting a bit fed up with me singing the same old song about requiring your child's login and password information for the social networking sites and/or installing monitoring software, but had the victim's mother done this, she would have been able to do a quick background check on Mercades (the resident of the home where the attack occurred and where the victim recently stayed). Moms, this is called "engaged parenting" and it is required today's challenging culture. I can't help but wonder how many unfortunate events (sexual assaults, cyber-bullying accounts, dangerous behaviors and other cries for help, and possibly even suicides) could have been avoided all together or at a minimum, intercepted, had a parent just stepped in and spot-checked their child's online or cell phone activity. Had the victim's mother (or father) established this habit, they might have known about the trash-talking among the girls that precipitated the fight. Even so, this does not justify a beating, so don't misread me, here.

I found it ironic that just this morning, I was able to log onto Mercade's MySpace page (one of two that she created) and within 30 seconds, gather enough evidence to put this girl on the "banned friend list" and issue a stern warning to my daughter to stay a zip code or more away from this troubled girl. One of her pages (which was deleted earlier today, probably at the advice of her attorney), had a banner that read, "To all you hatin b**** a** n***** sending me bullsh** hate mail...f*** you, I'll beat yo a** too!" She also stated on the page that she'd do it all over again (the beating) and then added that if anyone has "s***" to say to her mother, to bring it on and her mom will "kick your a** too." Another banner was so vile and racist, that I dare not repeat it. Is this the same girl that her grandmother described in an interview as "really a loving, caring kid?" It certainly doesn't appear she's feeling any regret or remorse for her actions. I took screenshots of the above captions before they were deleted, but for obvious reasons, I won't be uploading them as pictures for this post. Interestingly, she was kind enough put a link to her mom's MySpace page, which leads me to my next point.

2. Know the parents of your daughter's friends. Whew. Let's just say that the mom of the above suspect has some ahem, interesting pics on her MySpace page. Enough to conclude that "mom" doesn't want to be a mom to her kids--she's clearly bent on being their buddy, ol' pal and mighty proud of it. Let's see...there's a picture of her making gangsta signs and a few others where she's posing with some guys who are giving the finger. There's even one of her posing with her daughter and a caption that reads, "Like mother, like daughter." Hmmm... So, what can we take away from this? How about a caution about allowing our kids to hang out at friend's houses where mom and/or dad refuses to behave like a parent? If you don't know the parents of your child's friends, just make your home the designated gathering place. I would offer the same advice if you don't know much about the friend in question.

(NOTE: A kind reader alerted me to the fact that the validity of the MySpace pages I mention are in question. The general consensus appears to be that the page that was deleted was a fake and the link I provide above is to Mercade's real page. If that's the case, her song alone is disturbing enough. You might want to turn your sound down if your kids are in the room).

3. Teach your child to keep a low profile. Mean girls have been around since the beginning of time and the Bible is chock full of plenty of accounts. However, the stakes have never been more high than they are today. The combination of technology and the glamorization of bad behavior have created a platform for youth who are looking for notoriety...even if it's for a despicable act. Add to this the desensitization of our youth from right and wrong and I dare say, it will only get worse as time goes on. I don't want to scare you but rather, send a wake-up call that there are kids like this in every school. Many of them are ticking time bombs who have no moral compass and will think no more of beating your daughter to a pulp than brushing their teeth at night. Teach your kids to steer clear of "dangerous personalities" at all cost. The warning signs are there, but they may need your help in identifying them.

4. Never stop praying for your child. We live in trying times which require engaged and vigilant parenting. Ask God to put a hedge of protection around your child each and every morning. While we can't watch over and protect them every minute of every day, God can. And while we're praying, let's lift up the victim, suspects, and their respective families in prayer and ask God to turn their hearts toward Him.

NOTE: I am preparing a follow-up to this post that will address ways we can prevent our daughters from becoming "mean girls." When it's posted, we will notify our Virtue Alert subscriber base, so be sure you have signed up to receive my weekly "virtue alerts!" Let's not be naive in thinking our daughter could never end up in a mug shot like the one above...

In the meantime, take the poll:

The Glenn Beck Show!

UPDATE: Alas, it appears I will not be on the Glenn Beck show tonight. I was supposed to comment on the heartbreaking story about the Lakeland, Florida teen who was beaten up by six teen girls from her school and the footage was then uploaded to YouTube. I received the invite to come on the show by the CNN producer while in San Marcos (about 45 minutes from Austin) at the Outlet Malls. I was just about to sit down for lunch with my new blog bud, BigMama (can we just call her Melanie?). It was our first time to meet face-to-face. So I basically hugged her neck and said, "It's so nice to meet you....but um, I gotta go!" Being the sweetie she is, she totally understood. And can I just say that she had on some mighty cute shoes?

I raced back to Austin and got home with with a whopping 15 minutes to make myself CNN-Glenn-Beck-Show presentable. So yeah, I was a little frazzled. Fifteen minutes, people! I then jumped back in my car and headed for the studio with a handful of Ritz crackers and a Diet Dr. Pepper, because well, Diet Dr. Pepper makes everything bearable. They had someone waiting to do my makeup and then put me in the studio and wired me up for the satellite feed. That's when the producer chimed into my ear piece and alerted me to the fact that they had just received word that the mother of the victim was able to come on the show.

They ended up running out of time for me on today's segment, but I'm tentatively booked to go back for a follow-up segment for tomorrow's show. I will keep you posted. In the meantime, tune in and watch Glenn Beck tonight. I was able to listen to the interview while in the studio and the mother of this girl had me in tears. I'm not sure I could have followed her comments and kept my composure. I loved Glenn Beck's angle and perspective. I'm a big fan of his show and more importantly, his cry for morality. I'll keep you posted on whether or not tomorrow's segment is confirmed!

Attention mothers of girls!

I could use your help in preparation for an upcoming event in Virginia. I will be giving a message to moms (of girls) entitled, "Putting the brakes on the rush to grow up." As part of the message, I will address some of the all-too-common "milestones" in today's culture that have caught many moms off guard and left them feeling a bit ill-prepared when it comes to raising a daughter. If you have a daughter, chances are you know what I'm talking about.

Did your daughter ask to get her navel pierced at age 14? Want to wear thong underwear in middle school? Send a racy pic to a boy? Get invited to a coed camp out or sleepover? Beg to get a MySpace or Facebook page in 7th grade? Perhaps, you were shocked to discover she had a page already. Tell me about it. I'm talking about those moments that sent a red flag that the innocence of girlhood is all too fleeting. Or even those instances where it seemed like everyone but your baby girl was allowed to to do something and you (or your daughter) felt like you were swimming upstream. What battles have you encountered along the way and deemed worthy to fight? And which ones did you hold up a white flag and surrender in an effort to make peace? And do we dare bring up the swimsuit debate? Does your high schooler really wear a one piece or a tankini? Oh my, this should be interesting.

Remember, you can comment anonymously if that's more comfortable. Please know that the intent of this post is not to be a forum to discuss these issues from a right vs. wrong standpoint. That said, I won't be posting argumentative comments (even if they're reasonable) that are submitted as a response to other comments made. I'm just looking for a list of sorts, so I hope you understand. It would also help if you could tell me what age your daughter was at the time and how you handled the matter. Thanks in advance!

Flashback Friday: The terrible two's.

Vintage 1992: The little girl in this picture is approaching her 18th birthday next month and will walk across the stage at graduation in the weeks that follow. Sigh. I tried to get her to replicate the same stunt for the purpose of a great "then and now" blog post, but all I got was a roll of the eyes.

Even though sixteen years has come and gone since this picture was taken, I can actually still remember the circumstances behind it. She wanted another box drink and I told her "no" because they were for her lunch box when she went to Mother's Day Out. And yeah, this was her response to my "no." It didn't go over real well.

I know some of you are in this season right now, and let me just say that staging a sit-in (or technically in this case, a "hang-on") for an extra box drink is the least of your worries in the teen years! So, go give your little tyke a box drink and tell 'em it's from Aunt Vicki!

Have a GREAT weekend!

And the winners are....

A couple of weeks ago, we announced a contest for budding writers to submit article samples for our site for teen girls, virtuousreality.com. We were blown away by the quality and creativity of the articles submitted and it has been a tough challenge to chisel it down to a handful of winners. We previously said we would choose three winners, but we couldn’t narrow it down to just three, so we’re going with four.

The winners will each receive a $10 Starbucks gift card and their article featured on virtuousreality.com site in the near future! We will also highlight the article and link to it in a future "In the Know" mail-out to our virtuousreality.com subscriber base that reaches over 6000 teen girls! Here we go...drumroll please...

The winners are (in no order):

Post Office Celebrity by: Amy Beth Bullard
Texting God by: Natalie Witcher
Why I Waited by: Dana Carpenter
Don't Give Me That Bull! by: Cheryl Adams

And that's not all! Here are the runners-up:

Confessions from a Former Mean Girl by: Angela Parsley
Love One Another by Kristin Werner
A Beanbag for Two Please by: Amy Beth Bullard

A big thanks to everyone who submitted an article. There were so many awesome articles to choose from that we may in fact be featuring some additional articles on the site in the months to come!

Your sins will find you out...and Juicy Campus is here to help!

Imagine what you might get if you offer college students an anonymous forum to discuss issues shaking down on their campuses? Well, thanks to JuicyCampus.com, gossip just went mainstream. What was once passed along in hushed whispers in locker rooms and at sleep-overs is now, documented on the Internet for all to see. Students need only visit the site and choose their respective campus to access the latest scoop. Want to know which freshman girls put out? Who has an STD? Which sororities/fraternities have the worst reputation? What happened over Spring Break? Juicy gossip about student athletes? JuicyCampus.com will provide the answers.

Here are some recent topics I found when I accessed the site today:

Who's the sluttiest girl at (college name omitted)? (57 replies, many include names)
Where are all the virgins?
Who has the worst tan? (Complete with names and links to their respective pictures)
Who is burning?!!! (STD's)

Of course, not all posted on the site is to be believed and the anonymous feature provides a forum to take cyber-bullying to a whole new level. Whether the information shared is fact or fiction is hard to determine, but reputations are being ruined all the same. My heart broke over one post highlighting a drunken girl's escapades at a frat party at a large university. It was the most viewed thread in the past 30 days and not only named the girl, but provided a link to an alleged picture of the escapade in question. Of course, I did not click through on the link but it left me with a renewed zeal to warn my boys yet again, of the need to resist such temptations to click through on "porn" links that often show up uninvited. (On that note, I would encourage men who may be reading this not to access the site if this is an area of temptation.)

So, where do we go from here? I for one, will take advantage of yet another teachable moment with my children and warn them about the site. Of course, I will block it from our home computers, but not before I read them some of the actual thread topics. I think it's a powerful lesson to let our teens (and college) kids know that many actions do in fact, have consequences such as in this case where a night of drunken fun can be retold again and again with a few clicks of a mouse for generations to come. And parents, let's not fool ourselves. I predict that it is only a matter of time before we see this site expand (or one like it emerge) that will cover every high school and perhaps, middle school in the country. I wouldn't doubt for a minute that such a site is in the works at this very moment. Trust me, it will only get uglier.

As heart-breaking as it is to learn that sites like JuicyCampus.com exist, I am struck by one fact: Never before has it just plain made sense to walk the straight and narrow path God has laid before us. Oh the heartache that our children can be spared by following the Lord! While God would certainly prefer that our children "behave" due to a sincere motivation to follow His timely principles and truths, it never hurts to drill home the fact that any given one of them (or us!) can become tomorrow's headlines. Or for that matter, the next topic thread on JuicyCampus.com.