I forgot to open up the doggie door one morning last week and Scout the Wonder Pup decided to pay me back by leaving me a little present on the game room sofa. Clearly, he's in denial over his sin.
I found it rather ironic that God's people often respond to the sin in their lives in a similar manner: Run for the hills and if caught, ignore the accuser (Holy Spirit). Because everyone knows that if you look the other direction when He sends conviction (or discipline), well then, He'll just forget all about it, right? Oh, don't get me wrong, He'll forgive our sins as far as the east is from the west (Psalms 103:12), but He loves us too much to look the other way and allow us to continue in sin.
And I think it's fair to say that we are not nearly as cute as Scout when attempting to pull off the sin sprint. :)
Nothing in all creation can hide from him. Everything is naked and exposed before his eyes. This is the God to whom we must explain all that we have done. (Hebrews 4:13)
Summer, 2004: Oh the woes of the pre-digital camera days when I couldn't crop out a sun-burnt bubba holding a beer koozie and doing a howdy-doody wave in the background of the summer vacation family portrait.
I ended up sending this pic out with our annual Christmas letter that same year. And if you are able to identify Mr. Bubba, you might want to tell him to switch to SPF 50...
The winner for last week's give-away of a Between pocket Bible and a hot-off-the-press copy of "Between Us Girls" is: Peggy Gaspari! Congratulations!
Now, this next give-away will likely make the list of strangest contest give-aways. Here's the deal. My Executive Director, Shawna, is expecting her first child and due in September. Here is picture of this sweet baby:
And this picture should offer you a clue about the sex of the child:
Is that hilarious or what? This fella is quite a character! Shawna and her husband, Jeff, are stumped on a name for "Baby Boy Peterson." Will you help them by submitting your favorite boy name? In return, we'll enter you in the drawing for next week where the winner can pick any one (1) of my following titles:
TeenVirtue (for teen girls) TeenVirtue 2 (for teen girls) TeenVirtue Confidential (for teen girls) His Girl (bible study workbook for teen girls) Between (for tween girls) Between Us Girls (for tween girls) Between Pocket Bible (for tween girls) The Virtuous Woman (hard cover edition for women) Your Girl (book for mothers of daughters) Your Girl (Bible study workbook for mothers of teen girls) Your Boy (book for mothers of sons) Logged On and Tuned Out (for moms and dads)
To get a description of each title, click here. You can list your favorite title with your baby name or wait and pick if you win. We'll see if we can get Shawna and her husband to announce their front runners from your name list next week, also! Here is a picture of the happy couple:
UPDATE: Congratulations to "Fluffy Muffy" for being selected randomly as the baby-naming giveaway winner. We had an overwhelming response to our request for help in naming my sweet baby boy! Thanks to everyone for your wonderful suggestions. As time goes by, we'll be sure and keep you all updated on what gets decided, but in the meantime, here are some of the front runners: Jacob (Jake), Micah, Jayce, Trent, Joel, Ryan...and possibly Paul for a middle name (Jeff's middle name). There were lots of other great suggestions that we loved, but had to eliminate due to them being taken by other family members, etc. We had such a great time reading through all the suggestions and will continue to refer to the list as we make our final decision! Thanks again, friends! - Shawna
Do you live in or near Austin, Texas? If so, save the date!
A benefit for Virtuous Reality Ministries featuring: - a challenging message on worth by Vicki Courtney - worship by Lindsey Kane - dessert - silent auction - fashion show and more!
Tuesday, August 19, 2008 7:00pm - 9:00pm Church at Canyon Creek 9001 FM 620 N Austin, TX 78726 Moms, youth workers & girls ages 8 and up are welcome!
Tickets: $8.50 in advance $10.00 at the door
For more information or to register for this event, click here.
Do you know a business that might be willing to donate an item for the Silent Auction? Maybe you are an author/artist/camp/ministry that would be willing to donate an item or service to benefit Virtuous Reality Ministries? All donations are tax deductible and support our online webzine for teen girls, virtuousreality.com.
Also, I could really use your help in contacting business and ministries for silent auction donations. If you have an item to donate or are willing to help me find items, please Email me.
Look, I know the Disney stars have to grow up at some point, but what's so wrong with taking the good girl image with them into their adult years?
"After the premiere of Hilary Duff's first R-rated movie, War, Inc., Newsday reporter Lewis Beale described Duff's character, Yonica Babyyeah, as "a foul-mouthed, oversexed and underdressed Central Asian pop singer so outrageous she makes Madonna look like a nun." When Beale asked her about repeatedly dropping a "major expletive" in the film, Duff said, "Not only am I doing that, but I'm smoking, letting boys put their hands ... the character was a bit vulgar. I don't think using the word ... would have bothered me if I had said it once or twice, but it's throughout the whole movie. But I'm just acting." With regard to alienating young Lizzie McGuire fans, Duff shrugged off any potential fallout. "I think that's the risk that I take," she said. "But I'm growing up, and my fans are growing up with me. I think there will be mixed emotion about it. But if I lose fans, well, I don't want to limit myself in my career." [newsday.com, 5/18/08]
Hilary once graced the esteemed short list of positive role models, yet now joins the majority ranks who stoop to the lowest Hollywood common denominator in an effort to further their careers. Seems to me, that the way to set yourself apart from the plethora of Hollywood bad girls is to um, be a Hollywood good girl. Wait, was that an oxymoron?
On a more positive note, my mother-in-law who is a huge Focus on the Family fan, tipped me off to a quote she read in an email she received from PluggedIn Magazine. Selena Gomez, the 15-year-old star of Disney Channel's Wizards of Waverly Place, has asked her father to get her a promise ring to symbolize her commitment to remain sexually abstinent until marriage. "He went to the church and got it blessed," Gomez said. "He actually used me as an example for other kids. I'm going to keep my promise to myself, to my family and to God." (Original source: FoxNews.com; 6/10/08)
She followed with a few more quotes from PluggedIn Magazine regarding those endearing, Jonas brothers and the purity rings they boldly wear:
"The boys made a decision when they turned 12 years old to put those rings on their fingers. We didn't give them these rings as a pledge of perfection, but as a reminder of values. Our hope is that they'll always know that there's a good, right way to treat the opposite sex." —Kevin Jonas Sr., father of the boys who are known as the Jonas Brothers [usatoday.com, 6/16/08]
And check this one out:
"I always stop and give myself a reality check. I ask myself, 'Is this something a 15-year-old should be doing?' and if it isn't, then I don't do it." —Demi Lavato, the star of Disney's latest tween movie hit, Camp Rock, which features the Jonas Brothers [Wall Street Journal, 6/17/08]
I wonder if this gal knows Miley Cyrus and could pass along that wisdom? Anyway, I wanted to encourage you that there are a few positive role models out there, trying to make a positive impression on your children. Of course, I'm fully aware that at any given moment any one of the above role-models can stray over to the wild side. It seems like yesterday that I was singing high praises to Miley Cyrus for being a positive role model. How quickly things can change. Which is exactly why we need to point our children to real-life role models with a proven track record and downplay the Hollywood scene. Some of the best role models can be found on our own family tree, in our homes, and serving at our churches.
Who are some role models that you are pointing out to your children?
And Memaw, if you're reading this, I am officially making you my Virtue Alert Research Assistant. Oh wait, make that Volunteer Virtue Alert Research Assistant. Effective immediately. :)
A good name is more desirable than great riches; to be esteemed is better than silver or gold. (Prov. 22:1)
Have a suggested Virtue Alert topic?Email Shawna with the tip!
Twenty years ago today, I welcomed my firstborn into the world. Mercy, where did the time go? I was hoping to do "20 fun facts" about my boy, but we've been out of town all weekend, so I'm on overload. I'm sure he can wait until next year for "21 fun facts!"
And is it just me, or do you officially enter the "old fart category" when you have a TWENTY year-old child? I have a sudden urge to head up to the Walgreens and pick up a walker and zip-up housecoat. Will join me in a celebratory Metamucil toast?
Once upon a time, there was a mother who cared far too much about image. Every day, she was diligent to lay out a perfectly matching outfit for her first two children. She took great care to wipe their little noses, comb their hair and put their shoes on the right feet.
But then, a third child came along and the mother was tired. Very tired. So that child dressed himself each day. He rarely wore shoes, almost always had a runny nose, and lived in his homemade Batman cape. In fact, he didn't know shirts existed until he started kindergarten and was required to wear one. And would you believe that boy is 15 years old now and turned out just fine? Fortunately, he's replaced the bunny ears with a nappy ball cap, but he still has an aversion to wearing a shirt.
Don't be surprised if you hear your daughter humming to the tune of "I kissed a girl" in the days to come. Or for that matter, if you find it on her MP3 player. In fact, I was in the car with my daughter (18) and the song came on the radio and she said, "This song is so catchy and I love the beat, but the words are so messed up." At that point, I tuned into the lyrics more carefully just in time for the chorus:
I kissed a girl and I liked it The taste of her cherry chapstick I kissed a girl just to try it I hope my boyfriend don't mind it It felt so wrong It felt so right Don't mean I'm in love tonight I kissed a girl and I liked it I liked it
Her CD drops today and she is currently the buzz of the pop music industry, often being compared to Pink or Alanis Morissette. If you are the parent of a tween or teen, this up-and-coming artist needs to be on your radar. As our kids get older, it becomes more and more difficult to monitor each and every song they load on their iPods. Kids today are begging for MP3 players in grade school and most of the basic models hold in excess of a thousand songs. They then get iTunes cards for birthdays or Christmas and quickly learn their way around the iTunes store, loading up their digital shopping carts with .99 cent songs. Of course, they will want to load the songs they are hearing on the pop radio station, which also just so happen to be the songs their friends are buzzing about. Even their Christian friends.
Now, what has me most troubled about Miss Katy Perry is that she is the daughter of a Pastor who began her music career in the Contemporary Christian Music scene. In fact, back in 2001, I received a CD in the mail entitled "Katy Hudson." The CD came with a note from an agent touting Miss Hudson as a perfect compliment for the events I was holding for teen girls across the country. Katy Hudson = Katy Perry. Same girl, people. I kid you not. When I listened to the CD, it was clear that she was talented, but I was more interested in having a worship leader at the conferences as compared to a Christian pop artist. I passed along her CD (among many others sent to me in those years) to my daughter and forgot all about her. Until now. Mercy Moses, child, what happened?!!
To get a better picture of Miss Perry's transformation from Christian pop artist to banner artist for the "lesbian chic" movement, check out this article written about her in 2001 in Christianity Today and then check out the music video for her new hit single here. I also saw this live performance on YouTube where she spews the "f" word and jokingly states to the audience, "I'm gonna be a lesbian after this tour." Or maybe she wasn't joking. Hmmmmm....
Anyway, I thought you might want to have this gal on your radar. Yet another opportunity for a teachable moment should you find her song on your tween or teen's iPod or hear them singing along when it comes on the radio. Even if you don't allow your tweens or teens to listen to secular music, take note that Katy Perry's parents didn't allow her to listen to secular music, either. She was raised on a steady diet of hymns and gospel music until she was introduced to secular music (Queen) at a sleepover. She shares this story in an interview here where she claims that "the heavens opened and saved me." Saved you from what, Katy? Christian music or Christianity in general? I share this not to depress you, but to remind you that this is why we must teach our children to take the influences they are exposed to and run them through God's lens as well as weigh them against His standards. Remember, Deuteronomy 6:6-7 is our standard for parenting.
We need to be lifting this gal up in prayer. If she truly is a Christian, the conviction has got to be eating her up. While we're at it, let's toss up a prayer for her parents, too. Not to mention, the countless young girls who will buy into this lesbian chic message that Miss Perry (Hudson) is attempting to take mainstream. Interestingly, I have had young women cry on my shoulder at my events over a past "girl kissing" (or more) episode that haunts their past. In just about every case, it involved a) alcohol and b) a dare from a group of guys. And when all was said and done, not a one of them claimed to have "liked it."
Here is a video clip of a recent interview where the host asked her some tough questions about her Christian background including her parents' thoughts regarding her career and whether or not she still believes in Christ:
...and on that note, I think I'll double up on my prayers for this girl. She acknowledges that she has been given a gift from God on the one hand, but has squandered that very gift! What a sad picture of a lost child who has been swept away by the carnal pleasures of the world. She is floating quickly downstream or as she says, round and round in Hurricane Harbor. Let's pray that she'll reach for the lifeline God is throwing her way...
(NOTE:I expect that many will stumble upon this post while searching for information about this artist. Please respect the fact that my blog is a tool for Christian parents wishing to raise their children with Christian principles. Therefore, hateful comments will not be posted.)
Look what I just got on my doorstep! Drumroll, please....
Let's celebrate with a give-away! Do you have (or know) a tween girl (ages 8-12) who would love to have a hot-off-the-press "Between Us Girls" magabook AND tween pocket Bible? You know the drill--comment below and leave us a way to contact you if you win! We'll draw for a winner sometime next week!
And congrats to Bev Brandon who is the winner of our last give-away and the proud owner of Beth Moore's David book!
UPDATE: Congratulations to Peggy Gaspari! She is the winner of this give-away!
I walked into Hayden's room about an hour ago to tell him that I was headed out the door to run some errands and lo and behold if he wasn't jamming to Journey's "Don't Stop Believin'". Clearly, I've raised the boy right. I pulled my camera out of my purse to capture the moment on video and just couldn't resist the urge to join the band. And in case you're wondering, the coke can was my impromptu mic. With talent like this, we're liable to get picked up by a major label when this goes public. I tried uploading the clip, but it was causing my page to load too slowly, so I had to turn it into a screenshot.
If you are among the fortunate Journey fans who will be at The Woodlands Pavilion on July 26th to see Journey/Cheap Trick/Heart LIVE-IN-CONCERT, look for the Courtney clan. We'll be the goofball family rocking out on the lawn. In the hot Texas summer heat. Because obviously, we are devoted fans. And a tad bit weird.
Hey, and if you think Hayden's good on the air guitar, you should see his dad...
I am typing this from my hotel room in Auburn, Alabama before I head out for dinner in a bit. Paige and I are in town for Camp War Eagle which is otherwise known as "Mom's dress rehearsal before she falls apart at the real college drop-off." It's basically Auburn's version of freshman orientation. Here are some pictures with commentary to make you feel like you're experiencing the week with us!
Paige in front of our hotel
Toomer's Corner!
The AU campus is BEAUTIFUL!
Paige's fall roommate shows up from Georgia!
We meet up with my oldest son's roommate, Lee!
Momma Goldberg's nachos...different, but really good!
Ugh, the mom paparazzi!
Time to drop the girls off for a two night stay at the dorm
Seriously, when she ran off, she looked about ten years old, again. And yes, it was at that moment when my eyes filled with tears, so I made a QUICK get-away! Tonight is a pep rally in Jordan Hare stadium...maybe I'll post a video tomorrow! War Eagle!
This is one of my favorite pictures of all-time. It is from my book signing at a You and Your Girl event in Birmingham (2007). This group of girls (and their sweet leader) brought their well-read copies of Between (my magabook for tween girls) to the event for me to sign. They explained that they had used it in a girls' group at their church led by a couple of "moms." Moms, no doubt, who were burdened about the impact of today's promiscuous culture on our girls and unwilling to stand on the sidelines and watch it all shake down. My kind of gals. The woman who led the group told me that each week she assigned a few articles for the girls to read and then used the questions I provided at the end of each article (a feature called "Just Between Us") for their group discussion time.
When I went to sign the first girl's magazine and opened it up to the title page, my eyes fell upon the table of contents. Next to each article title, this young lady had put a check mark indicating that she had read the article. Every article had a check beside it. Oh, but that's not all. This precious girl then showed me what was taped on the back inside cover. Her snazzy group leader had provided a "virtue covenant" for the girls to sign as a reminder of their commitment to live virtuous lives.
At that point, I got up and hugged her group leader's neck. Honestly, their story reminded me at that very moment of why I do what I do. The whole reason I bothered to include "Just Between Us" questions at the end of each article was so it could be used in a group setting. And when I see pictures like the one above, it fills me with hope.
With all the hub-bub about a shortage of good role models and the rush for our tween girls to grow up, let's not forget role models like the woman in the picture above who are trying to make a difference. And boy, do we need more of them. Maybe God is quickening your heart right now to lead a girls' group. You don't have to have a daughter, tweenage or otherwise, to lead a group. You don't have to have any previous experience in leading groups. You don't have to take it through countless committees at your church for approval. I hear from plenty of moms who are holding neighborhood girls' groups in their living rooms. All you need is a willing heart and a passion to influence young lives. Titus 2:3-5 in action. Here are 5 good reasons to lead a tween girls' group:
1. They're still young enough that they think you hung the moon. In a few short years, you will reach official dork status and be from the moon.
2. You are modeling the importance of small group Bible study and providing them with good, clean fun at the same time. Away from the TV. And the computer. And Nintendo Wii. And their annoying brother. And the mean girl down the street. No, wait. On second thought, invite the mean girl down the street. :)
3. They will still talk to you at this age and share their honest feelings about issues they are facing. Catch them while you can before they clam up in the teen years and you forget the sound of their voices!
4. Our call as Christians is "to know God and make Him known." Too many of us log countless hours in our own adult Bible studies in an effort to better "know God." We have part A of the "know God and make Him known" equation down. At some point God expects us to fulfill part B of the equation by venturing out of our safe and familiar cocoons. What better start than to "make Him known" to some impressionable tween girls?
5. See title of this post. Is tough to be a girl in today's culture. If God's calling you, it's time to report for duty!
Is God calling you to be a role model to tweens?
P.S. If you do lead (or have led) a group, please, please send me a picture of your group and I will post it on my blog!
P.S.S. The 2nd installment of Between (Between Us Girls) releases on July 1st, but if you pre-order a copy, you get a copy of the original Between for free! (For a limited time, or so I'm told by my publisher). See the right margin for details on the offer. As a side note, the new Between features an article by none other than Scout Courtney. Yes, my three pound wonder-pup is a soon-to-be published author. :) Also, while you're there, check out the offer for the adorable pocket Bible for tween girls!
At a gradation party on Saturday night, our youth minister and his sweet wife were passing around their fairly new baby boy, Hudson. Of course, many of the girls jumped on their chance to snuggle with this little cutie-pie (under the watchful eye of caring adults). But watch what happens when a couple of teen boys succumb to peer pressure and take a turn at holding the baby. My oldest son (soon to be 20) is the young man on the receiving end of said baby. My youngest son is to the left in the burnt orange t-shirt.
He's available for hire--any takers? Fortunately, he has some time to hone this skill before he has kids of his own!
Last night, was my daughter's much-anticipated high school graduation. I can't believe it's been 14 years since she she was handed her pre-school diploma (pic above). Since I couldn't zoom in enough to get the actual picture of her getting her high school diploma, I had her reenact the moment with her younger brother!
Here's a cool clip and a few pics of our evening:
My dad, aka: Gra-Gra
Keith's parents, aka: Memaw and Poppy Dad and daughter
Notice the Texas Capitol dome in the background
It's all behind her now...
And check out what we had for dessert: (I stumbled upon this place yesterday while out running errands and oh my, were they good!)
Now, if your kids are young, go hug 'em! You'll be blogging about their graduation before you know it...
My daughter was on iChat last night talking with her soon-to-be Auburn roommate for the fall (from Atlanta) and they asked me to get on iChat and talk. Look folks, when your daughter is 18 and wants to talk to you, you do whatever it takes to make it happen. And even though I've written a book for parents on understanding their kids' technology-driven worlds, I have to admit that I'm new to participating in the world of iChat. This is the future moms and dads--or shall I say the "here and now" for our kids. At the very least, it served as a reminder of how technology can be used for good or evil and how it's our job to ensure our kids are taught to use it for good.
Of course, within two minutes of chatting with the girls, I figured out the M.O. behind the chat invitation. They were trying to drum up a way to visit each other this summer. What better way than to corner mom on iChat and sport their best pouty faces while begging in unison. Of course, it doesn't help that I absolutely LOVE Paige's roommate and she's sweeter than the sweet tea they serve in Atlanta. Or shall I say, "swate tae" for you "jawjuh" girls? So yeah, I pretty much caved in and agreed to the visit.
But, I think I may have ruined any future iChat possibilities when I said, "Hey gals, we can have ourselves a little video conference every week from your dorm room next year!" I wish you could've seen their faces. Yeah, I won't hold my breath...
Our winner for last weeks give-away of a library of signed books from my author buddy, Jennifer Rothschild is: Rachel Turner. Woo-hoo! Congrats to Rachel!
This week's give-away will be this fabulous book by Beth Moore, "David: 90 Days With a Heart Like His (Personal Reflections Series)":
Now, this isn't your average book, ladies. It's one of those fancy, schmancy books--hard cover with 437 pages and those corrugated, antiquey-looking edges on the pages. It just screams, "I want to be on your coffee table!" Which is exactly where you want to put it unless you don't want people picking it up and reading your deepest, inner-most thoughts and feelings in the journal pages provided. Okay, so maybe your nightstand would be a better place.
And I wish like anything I could tell you it's signed, but alas, it's not. If you win and you're not in a hurry, I can carry it with me to the Siesta Fiesta/Living Proof event in San Antonio (August) and see what I can do, but I can't make any guarantees. Maybe I'll bribe Miss Beth with an old pic I just found of the two of us at an event in Alaska (2002ish?) sporting some really cute hairdo's. The best part is that we're posing next to a giant Alaskan-sized stuffed bear and while Beth is smiling and looking all cute, I somehow felt a need to put my head in between his out-stretched claws and grimace like I'm being attacked. Actually, now that I think about it, it seems like I may have more to lose if that picture is posted. :)
Anyway, here's how you qualify for the drawing: I need some help on the Bible study/DVD I'm writing based on my upcoming book, "5 Conversations You Must Have With Your Daughter". I would love to know what your attitude was in your growing up/teen/college years regarding marriage and motherhood. Did (or do, if you're single) you dream about someday being a wife and/or mother? Or was it waaaaaay down on the list of priorities (if on the list at all)? Has your attitude changed over the years and if so, how and why? If you did dream about it, were you ever persecuted for it? Don't feel a need to answer all of the above questions, I'm just looking for general attitudes about marriage and motherhood, where you got them, and messages you heard along the way that may or may not have influenced your attitude.
For example, a couple of weeks ago, I posted a "Flashback Friday" on the day of my 21st wedding anniversary and shared about some hurdles my husband and I faced in our first year of marriage. On the list of hurdles, I mentioned that I found out I was expecting our first child (unexpectedly) just a few months after we were married. I also mentioned that I graduated from college shortly thereafter. One commenter (whose "anonymous" comment I did not post), remarked something to the effect of: "So, let me get this straight: You never worked? All that college wasted and down the drain? Please don't tell me you gave up a career to do the wifey/mommy thing." Bless her heart. Maybe I should invite her to follow me around for a day, so she can witness my "boring" life up close and personal!
Can you help me on this one? If so, be sure to leave a way for us to contact you if you don't have a blog profile. I'll announce a winner toward the end of next week (if I can get online while at Camp War Eagle!) And stay tuned for a very interesting give-away for the following week. I think I can safely say that it will be on your list of "strangest blog give-away questions!"
I have been planning to post on this topic for quite some time, but due to the fact that it's just plain depressing, I've been putting it off. Until now. A few news stories that have surfaced over the past couple of weeks will fuel this rant and serve as the stimulus for this long over-due post. Both news stories involve creepy child predators who prey on innocent children. You know, much like the guys you see profiled on the Dateline NBC show, "To Catch A Predator." If you've seen the show, you know that some of the guys look the part of the "creepy predator" while others, frighteningly resemble the guy next door...or even worse, your child's Sunday School teacher. The two news stories I mention above, feature predators who fall into the latter category.
I can hardly bear to repeat the details, but one story involves a minister at a well-respected mega-church in the Dallas area who chatted with a 13 year-old girl online for several weeks. He then set up a meeting with her in a parking lot and drove a couple hundred miles to a town not far from Austin. He was instead met by under-cover agents who had staged a sting operation and posed as the girl in an effort to nab predators. But the image that left me most shaken is the video footage of what they found in his car: A box of condoms and a webcam in the backseat and then sitting there on the front seat in plain view for all to see --a WORSHIP CD. Jesus come quickly.
The other story is so abominable, I can't bear to repeat the details. While it didn't involve a "minister," it involved a man who worked as a volunteer to help mentor children. He was a business owner and a married father of two daughters (high school and college-aged). If you think you can stomach it, you can click here for the story.
Like you, when I hear stories like this, I am left wondering how in the world we can protect our children from this growing breed of the-nice-guy-next-door-turned-predator. Both of the predators in the stories above came clean on background checks by the church and volunteer agency that employed the men. The church even had a program on their computers that blocks staff from chat rooms and such, which is far more than most churches are doing. The mens' families, friends, co-workers, and neighbors were all shocked. They fell under the radar because they were brilliant at leading a double life and fooling everyone around them.
I think it's also safe to say that stories like the two above leave most parents wondering if anyone can be trusted. And I hate that feeling. Hate it. So, what can we do to set up some safeguards to protect our children when they are young without robbing them of their innocence in the process? I don't claim to have the answers, but here are a few things I did when my own kids were young:
1. I was very picky about when/where/with whom my kids stayed overnight. In the latter news story, kids were dropped off at the predator's home on weekends when his wife and children were not home. Didn't anyone have a flag about this? My kids rarely spent the night away from home prior to middle school. The exceptions were with family members and very close friends. Even then, they often ended up calling and wanting to come home!
2. Tell your children when they are young that they should never have a "secret" with another grown up. Continue to remind them of this rule over the years and ask them on occasion if any other grown up has asked them to keep a secret or made them feel unsafe or uncomfortable at any time.
3. Be very clear with them on who is allowed to see the parts where their swimsuit covers up. By wording it in this way to your children, you educate them to the fact that we all have "private parts" that should stay covered up. Overnight visits to relatives' houses and the like are addressed case by case and you relay to your kids the exceptions to the rule (for bath time, swimming, changing clothes, etc...). And maybe I'm going overboard here, but I don't see anything wrong with limiting the list to female family members and friends. Uncle Bob or your babysitter's boyfriend shouldn't be bathing your children or changing their clothes.
4. Stay engaged and alert. The truth is, predators are looking for the kids who have no established umbrella of protection. In other words, the parents have checked out. Think about it. They have little interest in targeting a child who has a mom and/or dad who is vigilant in protecting them from the harmful influences of the world. Why bother when they can easily (and sadly) find many of kids who are not being protected?
5. Last of all, ask plenty of questions before ever leaving your child in anyone's care. As a parent, you have every right to ask organizations (churches, camps, summer camp programs, pre-schools, schools, etc...) what they do to screen their staff. I would also ask them for a list of their rules regarding trips to the bathroom, field trips, etc... Further, ask them how they go about educating their staff to their rules and what they do if the rules are broken.
Given the frequency of news stories surfacing like the ones above, I think it's time for organizations who have programs that impact children and youth to buckle down and get a zero-tolerance policy in place. I hope this is a wake-up call not just to parents, but especially, to our churches. Unfortunately, we cannot change the fact that there are some people in the world who have malicious intent and will do whatever it takes to gain access to children in an effort to harm them. But we CAN make it more difficult for those folks to use our churches as a cover-up for their double lives or even worse, provide them with an easy access to their victims.
Our churches need to double, triple check references and personally call every organization where candidates have previously served. We need to ask tough questions, like "Have you ever received complaints about the candidate in question and if so, what was the nature of the complaint?" If necessary, track down the person who made the complaint to clarify the details. Unfortunately, I have heard of accounts at churches where a minister molested a child and was caught only to have other documented instances surface from a past church where they were employed. How do these types of details fall through the cracks? I've even heard of instances where staff members at previous churches failed to pass along knowledge of the information to churches hiring the individual, believing the offender to be healed from their past transgression. No! They have a moral responsibility to pass it along!
I know this next suggestion may sound ultra-radical and as I type it, I'm not even sure how I personally feel about it. Perhaps we need to ask those who are entrusted to the care of our children if they would agree to periodic and unannounced spot checks of their home computers or the installation of a software tracking program that would send periodic reports to an accountability partner. I can't imagine that anyone who is sincere about working with our children/youth in our churches would be opposed to this.
What about you? If you have an idea of how we can better protect our children or how churches might tighten up their policies, please feel free to comment and share your wisdom. In the meantime, let's remember the power of prayer when it comes to protecting our children. God doesn't want us to parent with a spirit of paranoia or fear. Rather, He wants us to parent with a confident peace that our children are ultimately, in His care. And we never stop praying.... And while we're praying, let's pray also for the victims, their families, as well as the family members of the predators in the news stories above. My heart breaks for them all...
Hardly a June goes by that I don't reflect on what might have been/could have been in June, 1981. With a heart bursting with gratitude for God's grace and mercy, I offer the tribute below to a child that would have been 27 years old this month.
It is my prayer that this poem will offer a balm of healing to others who struggle to reconcile this sin in their past...or perhaps, even introduce them to the One whose grace is sufficient. On a larger scale, I pray that it will fall into the hands of those who find themselves sitting on the fence, undecided, and faced with a choice...just in the nick of time.
My Child, Do You Remember Me?
My child, do you remember me? We met so long ago. You were formed inside my womb, yet never allowed to grow.
I never got to see your face, or hold you in my arms. I pray someday you’ll understand-- I never meant you harm.
I missed playing peek-a-boo and going to the park. I missed holding you in my lap when you were afraid of the dark.
I missed your pretty pictures of rainbows in the sky. I missed the cards on Mother’s Day- the kind that make you cry.
I missed you learning to ride a bike and your first dive into the pool. I missed your every summertime and your every first day of school.
I missed your every birthday and watching you grow each year. I missed saying “I love you” and showing how much I care.
My child, will you forgive me for the life I stole from you? Will you know the tears I’ve shed for that child I never knew?
I know you’re in a better place, and someday, I’ll meet you there. For Jesus has forgiven me, my sin, I no longer bear.
My child, will you remember me on that day we meet again? Will you even know my face or wonder where I’ve been?
“Yes Mother, I remember you; we met so long ago. Why I could not stay with you, I really do not know.”
“Come with me and meet the Lord,” my child will smile and say. “I’ll take your hand and lead you there, for He’ll wash your tears away.”
Finally, I’ll approach His throne, my sins as white as snow, and He’ll hold me tight and say to me, “My child, welcome home.”
I became a Christian in 1985, but for a decade, I continued to carry a burden of guilt and shame over an abortion I had in 1981 at the age of 17 (at the time, I was staunchly pro-choice). I wrote the poem above at the prompting of a counselor/friend who suggested that I write a letter to my unborn child as a necessary step in my journey of healing. I resisted for several months until one morning when God compelled me to pick up a pen and write the poem above.
Many women sit in our church pews on Sunday mornings riddled with guilt and shame over this "secret sin." I know, because I used to be one of them. I know what it feels like to wonder what your church friends would think if "they knew." I know what it feels like to hear someone casually say in passing, "How could anyone ever do that? Don't they know it's murder?" I know what if feels like to cross paths with believers (though few) who express hatred not just for the sin, but the sinner as well. And I know what if feels like to do the math each year and wonder what my child would be like today.
But most importantly, I know what it feels like to be forgiven by a loving God. And when I hear the song in the post below, I sing with a confident assurance and a heart that overflows with gratitude, "My chains are gone; I've been set free. My God, my Savior has ransomed me; And like a flood His mercy reigns; Unending love, Amazing grace." And I pray that you too, regardless of what can be found on your sin list, can sing with the same confident assurance.
