According to a new study outlined in an article on USAToday.com yesterday, standard teen flirting has lapsed over to cell phones in the form of "sexting."
Passing a flirtatious note to get someone's attention is so yesterday. These days, young people use technology instead.
About a third of young adults 20-26 and 20% of teens say they've sent or posted naked or semi-naked photos or videos of themselves, mostly to be "fun or flirtatious," a survey finds.
A third of teen boys and 40% of young men say they've seen nude or semi-nude images sent to someone else; about a quarter of teen girls and young adult women have. And 39% of teens and 59% of those ages 20-26 say they've sent suggestive text messages. Click here to read the remainder of the article.
When you arm tweens and teens with cell phones (loaded with features like unlimited texting, pics, and video) during a time when they are curious about sex, you create a perfect storm for "sexting.” Sexting involves the sending of sexual messages and pictures from cell phone to cell phone. Most of the stories I’m hearing (from moms and girls), involve a message or picture sent to a boyfriend that was intended to be private. Of course, when a break-up occurs, or the guy simply wants to show off the picture or suggestive text to his pals, the real trouble begins. It’s easy to forward the picture or message to other contacts on the recipient's phone, upload it to the Internet, or post it to a social networking page. At that point, it becomes viral and the pictures are often accessible to the general public and most frighteningly, creepy predators who scour the web looking for “n*de c*ll phone images” of minor-aged children.
In fact, let me creep you out even further. The reason I disguised some of the words above is that any time I do a post and mention key words that p*rn creepsters commonly use when searching for images on the web, the post often shows up on a list of links. Often, they land on my blog post looking for pictures. Creepy huh? I know this for a fact because I am able to access a list of search words that lead people to this blog. I don't want to scare you out of your wits, but there are alot of sickos out there hiding behind their keyboards and searching for kiddie p*orn. I forward IP addresses to CyberTipline.com when the search terms are particularly disturbing (translation: a search for images of
little girls). Unfortunately, this is a lengthy process as they require that you fill out a long form for each "tip" you have.
I even called Cybertipline a couple of years ago when I noticed several repulsive and nauseating search word phrases on my blog tracker to see if there was a system in place where I could simply copy and paste the IP addresses on one form and send them over for futher investigation. Unfortunately, I was told that I would have to submit an individual online form (rather lengthy) for each IP address. You would sure think they would at least want to have a record of IP addresses that are actively searching for kiddie p*orn. Maybe I'll create my very own "wall of shame" and start listing IP addresses that land on this blog in the hopes that someone, somewhere will track down these pervs. I get sick thinking about how many of them are currently abusing or steps away from abusing children in real-life.
So, where was I? Sorry for the bunny trail, but as you can tell, it's a hot-button topic for me. As this sexting trend increases among teens, we will see more and more cases where teens who forward nude images of themselves to friends on a whim, end up being charged with porn distribution. Those who receive the images and forward them on to others can also be charged with porn trafficking. Sobering charges for a teen boy who gets an image from his girlfriend and then upon breaking up, sends it out to a few friends in retaliation. Or for the cheerleader detailed
in this story on CBSNews.com, who discovered the hard way that sending one n*de image at the age of 13, can haunt you for many years to come. Her attorney sums up the case with this statement:
"The problem that we have -- one of my clients took the photo back when she was 13, before she even was a student at the school and the photo, unfortunately, has been following her around from grade level to grade level."Of course, you and I know what leads to this “sexting” behavior among teens. Insecure girls who are looking for the wrong kind of attention; spontaneous teens who fail to think past the moment and consider the actual consequences; boys who want to show off images and store them on their phones or computers (often for future personal enjoyment); a general desensitization among teens regarding right and wrong; a heightened and false sense of privacy; the thrill of engaging in a forbidden behavior, and last of all, the fallout from growing up in a highly sexualized culture where provocative images have become the norm.
Parents who are hesitant to outline the dangers of both sending and receiving such pictures and messages with their cell phone-toting children as a preventative measure, may find themselves picking up the pieces after the fact. Further, parents who can’t imagine that their little darlings would do something “so stupid,” need to think back to their own teen years and imagine the outcome had their entire peer group been armed with cell phones and social networking pages that can be uploaded to at a moment's notice. Dating relationships, skinny dipping, locker-room antics, mooning, silly games of Truth or Dare and Spin the Bottle are all fair-game. And all it takes is one teen in the group who has a cell phone in hand and fails to think past the moment (which I dare say is most all of them). Needless to say, it's not a comforting thought and one that should certainly inspire us to sit our kids down and talk about this issue.
I detail the dangers associated with the sending and receiving of inappropriate pictures in more depth in my book,
Logged On and Tuned Out, as well as include sample contracts parents can use with their children to outline safety tips regarding technology. However, here are a few talking points to consider going over with your child regarding this latest trend of sexting: (Recommended age: The moment you hand them a cell phone, especially if it's armed with texting, pics, and videos or they are at an age where their friends have cell phones with such features.)
1. Outline a plan that addresses what they should do if (or when) they receive inappropriate pictures on their phone. Of course, they should immediately delete the image. You can always encourage them to tell an adult, but the truth is, most teens are highly protective of one another and hesitant to rat anyone out for fear they will be excluded or targeted as a result. And yes, this includes "good, Christian kids," as well. Try not to sound accusatory and give them the benefit of the doubt. Remember that they are not receiving a warning that an inappropriate picture, message, or video is being sent and since they are coming from friends, they are often caught off guard when it happens.
2. Make sure they understand the possible consequences of saving inappropriate pictures on their phones (more common among teen boys). Also, help them understand how doing so is considered "possession of p*rn involving an underage minor" even if the picture is from a friend or someone they personally know.
3. Make sure they understand the possible consequences that can occur from simply forwarding an inappropriate picture to even one person. Help them connect the dots on how the behavior can constitute "p*rn distribution" or "p*rn trafficking."
4. Talk to them about the long-term consequences related to one simple picture sent or received and how it can haunt them for many years to come. Be sure to address the reputation factor as sometimes this can be a motivator for teens to stop and think past the moment.
5. Be sure to address pictures that teens don't often associate with being "inappropriate." This would include pictures of themselves or friends that involve mooning, flashing, going to the bathroom, etc... I kid you not that I recently walked into a public restroom at a family restaurant to find a couple of tween girls taking a picture over the bathroom stall of one of their friends while she went to the restroom. Of course, she was screaming (while laughing) that they better "delete that picture." I am also reminded of a few pictures I recently saw on Facebook of a church girl (she posted them herself), who with several friends, jokingly posed in their bikinis with dollar bills hanging out of their swimsuits in an attempt, I suppose, to mock strippers. (Which yes, could be a whole different post as to where they got their inspiration) This is when it's a real plus to have monitoring software installed on your child's computer and their login and password information. (
Click here for a link to the monitoring software I reccomend.)
6. Let your child know that you have a zero-tolerance policy when it comes to the trading of inappropriate pictures and messages on their phones (or social networking pages). It is your right (and responsibility) to spot-check their phones to ensure they are following the rules. Remind them that cell phones and other means of technology are privileges that are earned and not rights. The fear of having to
do without something they can't imagine
living without can definitely serve as a motivating factor.
7. If you don't feel your child is mature enough to handle the features associated with sending and receiving pictures and messages on cell phones, don't add them. If the features are already available on your child's phone, consider contacting your service provider and having them removed for the time-being until you feel they can handle the responsibility. Note that this should be a temporary measure as it is only a matter of time before your child will be engaged in this technology. Those without proper training often pose the biggest risk on down the road, not only to themselves, but to others.
8. Finally, remind your child of the dangers and possible consequences mentioned in this post OFTEN. This is not a one-time conversation as tweens and teens have short memory spans. As stories surface in the news, use them as teachable moments with your children.
Dr. Bill Maier (Vice President, Focus on the Family), sent me the following statement that went out in a media release yesterday regarding this topic. It beautifully sums up the charge we have been given as parents:
“This report should provide a harsh wake-up call to America’s parents—our children are growing up in a sex-saturated culture and they desperately need our wisdom and guidance. It’s critical that we engage in an ongoing conversation with them about the importance of sexual purity and God’s design for human relationships. If we fail in that responsibility or bury our heads in the sand, our kids’ values and decisions about sex will be shaped by the media and their peers—and the results could be disastrous.” Amen and amen.
