It feels like chaos, but somehow there's peace

I remember the first time I heard this song. I was in my car headed for the lake house. It's about an hour's drive away and sometimes, I use the drive to pray and talk to God. You know, kind of take an inventory of the things going on in my life and make sure we are on the same page. On this particular day, I was pouring my heart out to God (again) over a difficult relationship that has caused me much pain over the past few years. I had just received a voice mail message that brought the pain to the forefront and made it fresh, once again. I was feeling hurt, anger, bitterness, resentment, frustration and a whole gamut of other emotions, all at the same time. A storm was swirling away in my heart. I couldn't see my way out or better yet, a solution for healing. I just wanted it to STOP.

There's a wave that's crashing over me
And all I can do is surrender.

I talked to God off and on during the whole drive. (Trust me, this situation needed the full hour!) As I pulled into the drive-way at the lake house, I questioned Him point blank about the purpose of this particular trial in my life. "Why God? I don't get it. Why do I have to go through this? It's such a distraction to serving You." It was then that I heard the chorus of this song playing clearly on the radio as I put my car in park:

Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
but I'm giving in to something Heavenly

Peace? Surrender? Something Heavenly? Are you kidding me?! I had been licking my wounds for months over this ongoing hurt. It was a full-out pity party, popcorn and a big box of Junior Mints included. I'd even sold a few tickets to the show, so others could egg me on in the pity party. When I heard those words, it hit me: I had become more at home feeling bitterness than God's perfect peace.

Am I doing everything to follow Your will
Or just climbing aimlessly over these hills
So show me what it is You want from me
I give everything, I surrender...

Why is it so hard for me to see that the storms in life are not always about finding solutions? That in the midst of these storms, God offers His perfect peace and wants to teach me something? He wants me to draw closer to Him because I need Him? Most importantly, He wants to refine me, make me stronger, and prepare me for something bigger than me...something perhaps, Heavenly?

Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but I believe
You're up to something bigger than me
Larger than life something Heavenly.

If there's a storm in your heart, let go. Behind the wind and the rain, the Son is waiting to shine. And that's a weather forecast you can always count on during the storms of life.