The princess movement: Are we raising a generation of royal pains?

Recently, the Wall Street Journal featured an article entitled, "Bringing Up Princess: Turning Girls Into Narcissists." I read the article with great interest, particularly since I address this trend in my book, 5 Conversations You Must Have With Your Daughter. Here is an excerpt of the article:

For only $44 at Nordstrom, you can dress your toddler in a tank top that declares her to be a "Juicy Couture Princess" -- that is, someone whose parents can afford to buy designer shirts that will end up stained with ketchup or jelly. And until recently, numerous Saks stores maintained Club Libby Lu, a spa for 5- to 13-year-old girls offering princess makeovers with tube tops and miniskirts that left girls looking more like Real Housewives than Cinderella.

Call it trickle-down narcissism. Today, even as the economic crisis continues, many middle-class parents aspire to give their daughters the best of everything, "the best" meaning the most expensive. A quick tour around suburbia will show princess-themed bedrooms (the rhinestoned-and-feathered kind, not the cartoon-character kind) and ostentatious birthday parties, as well as pedigreed dogs being toted in designer bags by 10-year-olds. Maintaining a diva daughter has become one more way to one-up the Joneses. (Click here to read the remainder of the article).

In 5 Conversations, I offer a few solutions to help princess-proof your daughter...at least from the type that borders on unhealthy indulgence. Here is a snippet from the chapter "Princess today, royal pain tomorrow" that focuses on raising a Proverbs 31 Princess:

By looking to Proverbs 31, we get an idea of the type of woman (young and old) who is esteemed in the eyes of God. Amazingly, she has a little princess in her, having an affinity for fine linen and purple (a color often associated with royalty). However, when you take a close look at the Proverbs 31 passage, two qualities emerge that fly in the face of the princess mentality. Rather than tell you straight out what those qualities are, let me show you some key verses and see if you can recognize them. As you are reading the following verses, what quality comes to mind?

Verse 13: She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands.
Verse 14: She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar.
Verse 16: She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
Verse 17: She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks.
Verse 18: She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night.
Verse 19: In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
Verse 22: She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
Verse 24: She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes.

Needless to say, “entitlement” was not a word in the virtuous woman’s vocabulary. Clothed in fine linen or not, this woman was a hard worker who was far more likely to have dirt under her nails than a tiara propped upon her head. Let’s stop for a minute and examine some tangible ways we can instill the value of hard work within our daughters. First of all, we can put our daughters to work around the house and give them regular, age-appropriate chores. From the time my children were very young, they had jobs assigned to them that matched their age level and ability. From about the age of eight, they have been responsible for doing their own laundry. If they run out of clean clothes, they have no one to blame but themselves. In addition, they take rotations doing the dishes and some of the yard work.

Once my children were old enough to work, they are responsible for depositing their paychecks and keeping track of their balance. Some of the money they earn from working is put aside in a savings account, another ten percent is taken out (by them) for a tithe at church, and the rest can be used at their discretion for clothing, electronics, movies, and other outside leisure activities. Once they are in college, they are required to put aside some of their summer earnings to go toward some of their college expenses such as books or outside activities.

Take a look at some other verses in the Proverbs 31 passage and see if you can recognize another critical quality in raising a virtuous young woman.

Verse 15: She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls.
Verse 20: She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy.
Verse 27: She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.

Again, the verses hardly point to a self-indulgent princess who puts her own needs or desires before everyone else. Ironically, the description of the virtuous woman is the very antithesis of the princess attitude our culture breeds today. Children, adolescents, and teens are already prone to thinking life is all about them. Unfortunately, there will be many who grow up and fail to shed the “it’s all about me” attitude. Unless, that is, we help them do so along the way.

I have been personally convicted about my own “inner princess” that often holds me back from getting my hands dirty and feet moving when it comes to serving others. I have confessed to my daughter that far too often I model an attitude that is “too much princess” and “too little servant.” In an effort to put my tiara aside and learn to say “no” to myself when it comes to my own wants and “yes” to others who have true needs, I suggested to my daughter that we sponsor a child together through Compassion International. My daughter chose a little boy from Thailand and we split the monthly sponsorship fee, which amounted to $18 for each of us. I figure I spend that much on my stupid grande vanilla latte habit and she spends at least that much on her shoe habit (my fault on that one, too!).

Expose your daughter to the blessing of serving others in Jesus’ name. If she’s young, volunteer in a soup kitchen or sponsor needy families at Christmastime and take her with you to pick out the gifts. Find a mission trip that is kid-friendly and take her outside her normal comfort zone. The mission trip my church makes to the Texas/Mexico border several times a year allows involvement of families with kids of all ages. Even if it is impossible for you to physically go or financially give at this time, model the importance of praying with your daughter for those who fall into the “needy” category. There is nothing wrong with telling your daughter she’s a princess and treating her like one on occasion. The key will be emphasizing servant-hood above princess-hood. After all, tiaras were never meant to be worn full-time.

What are some steps you are taking to princess-proof you daughter from becoming a full-blown royal pain?