The princess movement: Are we raising a generation of royal pains?

Recently, the Wall Street Journal featured an article entitled, "Bringing Up Princess: Turning Girls Into Narcissists." I read the article with great interest, particularly since I address this trend in my book, 5 Conversations You Must Have With Your Daughter. Here is an excerpt of the article:

For only $44 at Nordstrom, you can dress your toddler in a tank top that declares her to be a "Juicy Couture Princess" -- that is, someone whose parents can afford to buy designer shirts that will end up stained with ketchup or jelly. And until recently, numerous Saks stores maintained Club Libby Lu, a spa for 5- to 13-year-old girls offering princess makeovers with tube tops and miniskirts that left girls looking more like Real Housewives than Cinderella.

Call it trickle-down narcissism. Today, even as the economic crisis continues, many middle-class parents aspire to give their daughters the best of everything, "the best" meaning the most expensive. A quick tour around suburbia will show princess-themed bedrooms (the rhinestoned-and-feathered kind, not the cartoon-character kind) and ostentatious birthday parties, as well as pedigreed dogs being toted in designer bags by 10-year-olds. Maintaining a diva daughter has become one more way to one-up the Joneses. (Click here to read the remainder of the article).

In 5 Conversations, I offer a few solutions to help princess-proof your daughter...at least from the type that borders on unhealthy indulgence. Here is a snippet from the chapter "Princess today, royal pain tomorrow" that focuses on raising a Proverbs 31 Princess:

By looking to Proverbs 31, we get an idea of the type of woman (young and old) who is esteemed in the eyes of God. Amazingly, she has a little princess in her, having an affinity for fine linen and purple (a color often associated with royalty). However, when you take a close look at the Proverbs 31 passage, two qualities emerge that fly in the face of the princess mentality. Rather than tell you straight out what those qualities are, let me show you some key verses and see if you can recognize them. As you are reading the following verses, what quality comes to mind?

Verse 13: She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands.
Verse 14: She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar.
Verse 16: She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
Verse 17: She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks.
Verse 18: She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night.
Verse 19: In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
Verse 22: She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
Verse 24: She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes.

Needless to say, “entitlement” was not a word in the virtuous woman’s vocabulary. Clothed in fine linen or not, this woman was a hard worker who was far more likely to have dirt under her nails than a tiara propped upon her head. Let’s stop for a minute and examine some tangible ways we can instill the value of hard work within our daughters. First of all, we can put our daughters to work around the house and give them regular, age-appropriate chores. From the time my children were very young, they had jobs assigned to them that matched their age level and ability. From about the age of eight, they have been responsible for doing their own laundry. If they run out of clean clothes, they have no one to blame but themselves. In addition, they take rotations doing the dishes and some of the yard work.

Once my children were old enough to work, they are responsible for depositing their paychecks and keeping track of their balance. Some of the money they earn from working is put aside in a savings account, another ten percent is taken out (by them) for a tithe at church, and the rest can be used at their discretion for clothing, electronics, movies, and other outside leisure activities. Once they are in college, they are required to put aside some of their summer earnings to go toward some of their college expenses such as books or outside activities.

Take a look at some other verses in the Proverbs 31 passage and see if you can recognize another critical quality in raising a virtuous young woman.

Verse 15: She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls.
Verse 20: She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy.
Verse 27: She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.

Again, the verses hardly point to a self-indulgent princess who puts her own needs or desires before everyone else. Ironically, the description of the virtuous woman is the very antithesis of the princess attitude our culture breeds today. Children, adolescents, and teens are already prone to thinking life is all about them. Unfortunately, there will be many who grow up and fail to shed the “it’s all about me” attitude. Unless, that is, we help them do so along the way.

I have been personally convicted about my own “inner princess” that often holds me back from getting my hands dirty and feet moving when it comes to serving others. I have confessed to my daughter that far too often I model an attitude that is “too much princess” and “too little servant.” In an effort to put my tiara aside and learn to say “no” to myself when it comes to my own wants and “yes” to others who have true needs, I suggested to my daughter that we sponsor a child together through Compassion International. My daughter chose a little boy from Thailand and we split the monthly sponsorship fee, which amounted to $18 for each of us. I figure I spend that much on my stupid grande vanilla latte habit and she spends at least that much on her shoe habit (my fault on that one, too!).

Expose your daughter to the blessing of serving others in Jesus’ name. If she’s young, volunteer in a soup kitchen or sponsor needy families at Christmastime and take her with you to pick out the gifts. Find a mission trip that is kid-friendly and take her outside her normal comfort zone. The mission trip my church makes to the Texas/Mexico border several times a year allows involvement of families with kids of all ages. Even if it is impossible for you to physically go or financially give at this time, model the importance of praying with your daughter for those who fall into the “needy” category. There is nothing wrong with telling your daughter she’s a princess and treating her like one on occasion. The key will be emphasizing servant-hood above princess-hood. After all, tiaras were never meant to be worn full-time.

What are some steps you are taking to princess-proof you daughter from becoming a full-blown royal pain?

Shred-head update: Let's hear it for the boys!

My youngest son gave level 3 of the 30 Day Shred a try recently and willingly admitted that he was sore the following day. Mind you, the lad plays three sports and is in great shape. Next up: His older brother attempts level 3 a few days later:













Ryan was pouring sweat by the end of the workout and also confessed that it was much tougher than he had imagined. Be reminded, these are the same boys who have talked non-stop smack to me during my two months of shredding with taunts about how easy the workout looked. Since these photos were taken, they have yet to return for another Jillian torture-fest. However, my ever-faithful trainer, Scout, (seen consoling Ryan in the photo above right), remains by my side, cheering me on through each and every workout.

I continue to do the workout about 4-5 times a week and alternate back and forth between Level 1 and Level 3. I have also incorporated walking on my off days, but with the temps in Texas topping 100 as of late, I'm hit or miss. Strangely, I did break the weight barrier after several months of only losing 1-3 pounds. As I've mentioned before, losing weight was not my goal, but to my surprise, I weighed in a few days ago and had lost another couple of pounds. But, here is the best part: I went swimsuit shopping a few days ago to take advantage of the newly mark-downed prices and I actually enjoyed it! Now there's a sentence I never thought I'd type. :)

Aside from the obvious benefit of having more energy and endurance throughout the day, one of the biggest rewards has been enjoying the way my clothes now fit. My arms and legs are toned enough to wear sleeveless shirts and shorts without feeling self-conscious. This past week, we've had temperatures hover around 102/103, so good luck surviving outdoors for more than ten minutes in a pair of denim blue jeans if you live in a city like Austin.

Well, that about does it for my Shred update. Now, it's YOUR turn. Where are you in the Shred journey?

Happy 21st birthday to my firstborn, Ryan!

My how time flies when you're having fun. For the record, I'm having a BLAST! And look! Not a gray hair in sight! (Allow me to pause for a moment here to thank my longtime hairdresser, Daisy, who eventually rescued me from perils of this Dorothy-Hamill-gone-bad hair tragedy of 1988.)

More Beautiful You

Announcing a little blogocation

Hello, blog friends! After wrapping up a busy spring speaking calendar and writing a new book, I am in much need of a vacation. I have decided to take a break in the month of June from posting regular Virtue Alerts on issues pertaining to raising children in today's culture. However, keep coming back because I will still be posting on this blog, but it will be on topics of a more personal nature...like family fun, raccoon predators (see below), and Shred updates (coming next week--I promise!).

During this time, we will also be pulling some of my best posts from the archives, as well as sharing excerpts from some of my books. Thank you for your patronage to this's blog. Come July, I will be back in full force ready to tackle some of the issues we face in raising our children in a challenging culture...just in time for the back to school hoopla!

A horror flick in the making

It's never good news when your child wakes you up at 2 a.m. and the night before last, was certainly no exception. I vaguely remember my 19 year-old daughter, Paige, appearing at my bedside and mumbling something about a "fox being on the roof." Convinced that I was in a state of deep REM sleep, I closed my eyes in an effort to finish out this random dream about foxes roaming on rooftops. This is what I get for drinking coffee late in the afternoon.

"Dad, did you hear me? I think there is a fox lying on top of my skylight and it's creeping me and Jesi out." Paige had a friend staying over the night and the trundle bed sits directly under a skylight in Paige's room. Keith responded by rolling out of bed and mumbling something about "foxes not being able to climb up on rooftops." He grabbed a flashlight and proceeded to Paige's room to solve the fox-on-the-rooftop mystery. Her room was pitch dark and Paige's friend Jesi, was still lying motionless on the trundle bed, too frightened to move. When Keith turned on the flashlight and shined it directly onto the skylight, a chorus of high pitched screams echoed through the house. I'm pretty sure Keith screamed along with them. There he was...our 2 a.m. visitor, in all his glory. He was not a fox, but rather a plump, well-fed raccoon. And do you think he scampered off in fear? No! He just continued lying there on the skylight, sprawled out on his belly and staring down at the three frightened humans below.

I grabbed my camera and made my way to Paige's bathroom to sneak a peek through a window over her tub that offers a view of the roofline over her room. Sure enough, I had a perfect view of the critter. He had moved to the side of the skylight, no doubt to escape the annoying beam of light being flashed into his eyes. I slowly slid open the window and popped out the screen a few inches to get this picture:


As you can see, he looks anything but afraid. And he's at least 150 lbs. Oh, I kid. Probably more around a hundred. He was completely unphased as I snapped his picture and stared me down for what seemed like minutes. And then....fascinated by the flash of my camera I suppose, the critter GOT UP and began to HEAD IN MY DIRECTION! I fumbled as fast as I could to get the window closed while holding my camera and balancing precariously on the edge of the tub. Literally, within seconds of closing the latch on the window, here is what I saw:


Oh. my. goodness. Look who's screaming now. I do not like this guy. Not one bit. Right before I gathered enough composure to snap this picture, he actually reached out with his giant clawed hand and grabbed the edge of the screen! Folks, this is the kind of scene you might see in a horror flick! Forget about Friday the 13th, part 437! Do you realize how close I was to this THING touching my hand, grabbing my camera, or clawing my face to ribbons? And look at that face! That mask is real, people. Jason ain't got nothin' on this guy. And just like Jason, I have a strange feeling, this guy will be baaaaaaaack...

Everything

If you attended the You & Your Girl event in Katy, Texas, you may remember a powerful skit that some of the students (including my son) from my home church (Austin) performed. Many of you have asked when it would be available to watch online. Unfortunately, the quality of that taping was insufficient to do the skit justice. However, the students recently performed the skit during the Sunday morning services at my church and I was able to capture it in a little bit better quality.

The skit offers a great visual the temptations many teens face today in the quest to fit in, whether it be in regard to relationships, materialism, drinking, or the quest for beauty. It is a beautiful picture of the role Christ plays to rescue us from the emptiness that results from chasing after the world's pleasures.

The students who performed the skit above:

Jesus: Tanner Dixon
Main girl: Courtney Anthony
Boyfriend: Parker Andrews
Teen symbolizing temptation of money/materialism: Jared Maddox
Teens symbolizing temptation to drink: Hayden Courtney and Matt Holeman
Teen symbolizing quest for beauty: Taylor Watson
Satan: Ashley Samuelson

Words cannot express how proud I am of the students in my youth group who traveled to Katy, Texas to perform the skit back in March. Who knows...I just may take them on the road with me! They also performed the skit at a large FCA gathering just prior to the You & Your Girl event where over 100 middle-school students went to the front at the conclusion in tears and in need of prayer. There is rarely a dry eye in the house when the skit is performed. The original version of this skit (performed by another group) has been viewed over 10 million times on YouTube. The song is "Everything" by Lifehouse. Enjoy!

Tired of the fashion industry trying to dress girls like prosti-tots?

If you nodded (or screamed) "Yes!" you need to meet fellow, author-friend, Dannah Gresh. She is taking the fashion industry to task and if I lived close to her, I would show up on her doorstep to give her a big bear hug for doing what she can to protect our girls. Here is a snippet of a press release that describes a movement that Dannah has underway to gather 50,000 signatures from concerned mothers:

State College, PA • June 1, 2009—It started with four moms in State College, Pennsylvania and it is about to stir up the nation. Led by best-selling author, Dannah Gresh who has sold over three quarter of a million books to teens and tweens, the women are taking the fashion industry to task and calling for fifty-thousand moms to join them. The Bod Squad and calling for 50,000 mothers across the nation to join them. What is the Bod Squad?

“It’s a group of moms who are incensed with the fashion industries attempt to take our little girl’s childhood away,” says Gresh. “The messages our girls get from the fashion industry are destructive. We wanted to push back at that. We never expected the American Psychological Association to agree with our presumptions so powerfully.”

Gresh sites the findings of two years of study by an American Psychological Association (APA) task force on the sexualization of little girls. The APA task force’s report states that music lyrics, Internet content, video games and clothing are now being marketed to younger and younger girls. The smutty content of the marketing is linked to eating disorders, low self-esteem, and depression. Ironically, this early sexualization presented to young girls has “negative consequences on girls’ ability to develop healthy sexuality.” In experiencing sexuality too soon, they actually lose their ability to experience it in a healthy way as adult women.

“And the fashion industry is, indeed, marketing sexual clothing to tweens,” says Gresh. “Just consider the fact that Time magazine reported sales of thong underwear to 7-12 year old girls in excess of $1.6 million in the year 2003. Someone has to stop the madness.”

Gresh has the ear of Women’s Wear Daily, the global “bible” of the fashion industry. Magazine writers have interviewed Gresh about fashion and tweens, citing their own concerns that maybe the fashion industry has gone to far. Gresh, Weibel, Mylin and Anderson—all mothers of girls— were the first to sign the 50,000-Mom Bod Squad Petition on October 1, 2008. Since then, a total of 8,593 have joined at the grassroots level. Now, the petition is going to a new level with national news and media support, with which it can gain the attention of the industry it hopes to shape. The Bod Squad’s request will be for the Council of Fashion Designers of America to read the findings of the APA report, and to tell the fashion industry that mothers want to purchase age-appropriate clothing for their girls and would like the fashion industry to evaluate the clothing they design and the messages they send to our daughters through advertising. Gresh hopes that industry media like Women’s Wear Daily will cover the presenting of the petition, creating industry awareness of both the APA task force findings and consumer desire.

“We don’t want to ban anything,” says Gresh. “We will stay positive. We are consumers who just want to express our concerns. In fact, this fall we’ll be sending a positive message by initiating a national Shop ‘Til You Drop Event to thank retailers who consistently provide age-appropriate and modest clothing for little girls up to age twelve.”

Gresh says that the signers of the petition will actually vote on which retailers they want to “thank.” After the vote, the Shop ‘Til You Drop Event will be publicized for others to join in on the fun.

To view and sign the Bod Squad petition go to: www.secretkeepergirl .comwhere you can also download a copy of the APA Task Forces study on the sexualization of girls. Moms, if you have ever grumbled about the pint-sized hooker-wear that has overtaken the children and junior's departments at popular retail chains, this is your chance to make a difference. Oh, and do me a favor: Send a link to this post to all your fellow-fed-up mom-friends and let's help Dannah get 50,000 signatures on this petition!